What do you think of my first poem?

Question:I'll love you 'till I'm 99
I'll love you 'till the end of time
With you I'll tell my dreams and such
Because I love you very much
But when from you I have to part
You'll break one thing, it's my heart.

:]

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I'll love you 'till I'm 99
I'll love you 'till the end of time
With you I'll tell my dreams and such
Because I love you very much
But when from you I have to part
You'll break one thing, it's my heart.

:]

Very good.......B........keep up with the good work
Go to poetry.com and read every page.

It's ok.
Not much emotion.
Seems forced.
Nice:)

its sucks!

its good, fairly simple though, think about maybe adding more literary devices to add depth.

Truthfully,

first i smile then i half frowned,
but you do got rhythm.

mdg

For a first poem, it is better than most. Keep writing and they get better.

edit: And the only thing that sucks is fattyfat!

Well, for your first poem, it's okay, but there are things that needs to be corrected. While you do have a good rhythm in this poem, the rhyme is what basically ruins this poem because it's pretty predictable and forced. Plus, to be writing about love, it's pretty devoid of emotion, too straightforward, and it definitely needs more original images and literary elements to sculpt this poem for the reader to hopefully enjoy.

So, if you interweave emotion into this poem, rhyme only when you feel that it would contribute to this poem, add more images , put more depth into this poem and make it more original, then this could be quite good. For a first poem, this is a good start, so you do have potential. But if you keep writing and practice, then you could be a really great poet overall.

Thanks for sharing.

It is brilliant, unparalleled, because rhyming and cutesy imagery equals timeless poetry, right?

good first time effort but

change the two last lines
the last two lines was two obvious

u rhyme good though but if u write a long poem don't use 2 much rhymes

Lovely poem!But you can not put a beginning and an end to love.It comes and goes in a relationship.One of my favorite poems is:With tingling and delight;I wonder how many years we have spend together in just one night.I wrote that many years ago.

not the best but it's okay add more depth and emotion and personal thought.

now mine please?
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