Please tell me what you think of MY POEM!!!?

Question:when you lay your head on my chest all i do is look intos your eyes..
all i see is the stars that i was once wishing on to find that special one ...
so if you ever ask me why i feel like this for you all i have to say is...
you are everything i ever wish for...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: when you lay your head on my chest all i do is look intos your eyes..
all i see is the stars that i was once wishing on to find that special one ...
so if you ever ask me why i feel like this for you all i have to say is...
you are everything i ever wish for...

I really like it for 2 reasons:

+ you can tell the content of your poem is definitely coming from your heart ...

+ you expressed yourself in a poem that has no rhyming. which made me realize a poem (like yours) is beautiful !

I think it's ok.
It could use some work.
There doesn't seem to be much emotion or description.
It could flow better.
Nice:)

its alright.it needs a lot of touching up to be all BAM! but if its for the special someone and im sure it is,it probably wouldnt matter to them,so long as its from the heart and it will all come with meaning.

I woudl consdier adding some more unusual structure, it is very much like song lyrics right now. Also, you're just say that you love somebody, you're telling us. Say why, and how, the mechanics of, it. Show us.

Good luck and cheers.
Also I have to suggest the book "Letters to a young poet" by Wilke. excellent, teaches to remove all the extranoues stuff, not for artificially streamlining, but to make the end product richer.

Your flow is a bit off.....If you make it flow smoother it will be better to get the visual.

ehh......ummm......just ehhh........really there's nothing more to it nothing for i can say than ehhh......when i read this poem....sorry all i could give you was an ehhh.......