Comment this poem?

Question:Always

The stars
Have found a position of their own
And they repeat themselves endlessley.
The same sunrise,
The same sunsets,
The same light,
The same wrinkles.

If I thought differently today,
The blood would burst through my ears
and mouth,
As suddenly passing
To a lower pressure.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Always

The stars
Have found a position of their own
And they repeat themselves endlessley.
The same sunrise,
The same sunsets,
The same light,
The same wrinkles.

If I thought differently today,
The blood would burst through my ears
and mouth,
As suddenly passing
To a lower pressure.

Wow. I like the length of the beginning, then the repettion(especailly repeating the word 'same'), then I like the choas in content with slight mundanity of the second bit. Really, I was in the mood to be nitpicky, but this is an amazing poems, not just for yahooland, but for anything ive read in a while. really liked it, contemplative but acknowldging chaose. like an adolescent with some real wisdom.

I might collapse the "the stars" line into the "have found" line, although i keep going back and forth on this. I would almost definetyl remove "as" and just have "suddenly passing" though.

I enjoy how you avoid cheesiness, and let some of the more plebian word strucutre remain, ie don't get all purple with your structure, the content remains clear and strong.
Powerful mix of introspection and extro(?)spection,
also the poem does very well at setting up a character, and you could be justified in making the the beggining of a long one.

i think this poet is talking about life. i think he is commenting on how everyday is repeated, the same things are repeated and he cant change it.

WTF?

you expression isn't clear in the second para
tho the first para wid the first line of the second para is indeed sensitive and beautiful

It's very interesting.....a good play on words.