Ok so i wrote this poem today. in church and its about someone i care alot about

Question:I met you once
We talk all night
Until I fall asleep

Your the one on my mind
From when I wake up
Until i go to sleep and even in my dreams

I wonder what your doing
Hoping your okay
So we can see each other again someday

It does'nt take much to please me
Just telling me your doing okay
And not doing anything stupid so we will meet again someday

I have on request to ask
Nothing big its pretty simple
Please stop your chewing, smoking and drinking

I know it will be hard at first
But i know you can do it your strong
I dont know you as much as I wish to

But I care ablut you alot
I know what happens in the end
If you do not stop

It made my dad die young
And almost took my uncle
Its taking my family one by one

I care to much to see this happen
To someone I just may know a little about
But care ahole lot about them

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I met you once
We talk all night
Until I fall asleep

Your the one on my mind
From when I wake up
Until i go to sleep and even in my dreams

I wonder what your doing
Hoping your okay
So we can see each other again someday

It does'nt take much to please me
Just telling me your doing okay
And not doing anything stupid so we will meet again someday

I have on request to ask
Nothing big its pretty simple
Please stop your chewing, smoking and drinking

I know it will be hard at first
But i know you can do it your strong
I dont know you as much as I wish to

But I care ablut you alot
I know what happens in the end
If you do not stop

It made my dad die young
And almost took my uncle
Its taking my family one by one

I care to much to see this happen
To someone I just may know a little about
But care ahole lot about them

Great poem
It talks about meeting someone
and alot of talking through the night
Thinking of only one person
that is being faithful
Missing someone can be hard
although finding ways to communicate
You are someone easy to please
I am interpreting the request as
stop chewing tobacco, smoking cigarettes and
drinking, this will always destroy a friendship
It talks about will power.

good, I am glad you didn't keep the rhyme scheme ABAB like most people do.

Hmm, sounds like a teenager wrote it, but it's a common sentimental poem. It's okay.

That's a really terrible poem. It has no rhythm, no structure, no energy and nothing else that can make a poem a good poem.

Actually, this isn't even a poem. It's a letter to someone written in a format of short lines. So I take back what I said about it, because there's no point in critiquing an ordinary letter as if it were a poem, when it isn't one.

In short; this is not a poem, by any stretch of the imagination.

You like every one to live happy,enjoy health and be peaceful
towards people surrounding him or her .

It's pretty good, would be better if it rhymed though.
Not to bad for someone starting out, keep at it...

This is more like a letter than a poem, but I like the way you go about it - telling your new friend that you care without being too obtrusive and letting him know that you care enough to want him to stay healthy. Hope he reads it and keeps your advice.
Best of luck in this new relationship!