Check this poem out and tell me what you think, thanks?

Question:A element of suprise
An explosion on the brink
Give me a second
Let me think

Goosebumps tickle my epidermis
Visual echos cloud my vision
Floating rectangles bounce off the walls
Melting into laughing mushrooms
Dripping into the moving linoleum

The velvet curtains are laughing at me
Swaying left to right changing directions
The oak chair's fingers are wrapping around my wrist
There's no where to escape
Spiders spin web around my ankles
Laying eggs inbetween my toes
Cottonmouth has taken my voice
I can't scream
Sweat drips off of my forehead
Drowning my thoughts
Leaving me a vegetable

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A element of suprise
An explosion on the brink
Give me a second
Let me think

Goosebumps tickle my epidermis
Visual echos cloud my vision
Floating rectangles bounce off the walls
Melting into laughing mushrooms
Dripping into the moving linoleum

The velvet curtains are laughing at me
Swaying left to right changing directions
The oak chair's fingers are wrapping around my wrist
There's no where to escape
Spiders spin web around my ankles
Laying eggs inbetween my toes
Cottonmouth has taken my voice
I can't scream
Sweat drips off of my forehead
Drowning my thoughts
Leaving me a vegetable

Your poem starts off with a bang- literally. It catches the reader's attention, building up anticipation, nicely done.

You seem to use lots of personification for this poem too, the curtains, the oak chair, laughing mushrooms etc. seems to show that the persona could be in this situation due to the people around him/her.

There's also a certain claustrophobia- 'fingers wrapping around my wrist', 'no where to escape', 'web around my ankles', all these simultaneously happening, and the persona is trapped literally and figuratively, and the readers also feel sympathy for the persona.

An eerie atmosphere is also present, due to the imagery- 'floating rectangles', and malicious laughing from the curtains and mushrooms, all these paint an eerie picture, which all the more brings goosebumps to not only the persona, but also the reader. Adds on to the overall subject matter of claustrophobia, of fear.

This poem also uses first person 'me', 'I', which is a more intimate address, closing the distance between the reader and the persona: also shows how the persona is more emotionally involved in the poem. In short, it's more direct and it's easier to relate to, that's why it's easier to feel, to grasp the fear the persona is experiencing.

I also wonder whether or not your absence of punctuation is deliberate- there isn't any pause at all: hence the rushing, reading everything in supposedly on breath,highlights the panic, fear and complicated inner state of mind the persona is going through at the moment.

Ah, ranted too much. Just a short analysis of your poem. I did enjoy it, I especially loved your imagery in the second stanza, about the rectangles and the mushrooms, because it shows how out of the world it is, and also an element of ridiculousness that makes the claustrophobia even more apparent.

Good job! Thumbs up :D

cool, i like it =)

It sounds like a bad acid trip

Sounds like a freakin awesome trip! Share the love!
This is great at describing the feelings and sights.
I like your way with words.
Right on, Dude.
Write on, Dude.

i liked it i assume you have eatin some mushrooms?

it is good but the last line got's to go. where
are the periods to end sentences.

end it;
there is no place to escape.
goodbye

laney

laney

That is ****, it is hardly readable. In the first line it has errors. You don't use 'A' in front of a vowel, duh!

I think it's pretty good.
Nice:)