Please comment on 2nd poem..?

Question:Ritual

Her thoughts are racing,
concentrated on the next time
she will be able to
begin the cycle.

Her mom pulls out of the drive way,
her father closely follows.
The timing couldna??t be any better
for her secret ritual.

She dashes down the stairs,
and makes her way into the kitchen.
She grabs everything,
cookies, crackers, chips,
anything.

She eats it as quickly as she can
rinsing everything down with a bottle of water.
She runs to the bathroom to rid herself
of the impurities that reside within her.

Once the deed is done,
she flushes and returns to her room,
and carries on through the day
as if nothing had ever happened.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Ritual

Her thoughts are racing,
concentrated on the next time
she will be able to
begin the cycle.

Her mom pulls out of the drive way,
her father closely follows.
The timing couldna??t be any better
for her secret ritual.

She dashes down the stairs,
and makes her way into the kitchen.
She grabs everything,
cookies, crackers, chips,
anything.

She eats it as quickly as she can
rinsing everything down with a bottle of water.
She runs to the bathroom to rid herself
of the impurities that reside within her.

Once the deed is done,
she flushes and returns to her room,
and carries on through the day
as if nothing had ever happened.

This one is ok too...you know it just doesn't have poem written on it though..it's more like either a short story OR a slam poem...the kind you do with music and rhythm you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, i understand. I used to write a lot to when I was younger...and wrote poems and stories and stuff. My friends and I would talk about putting a book together with all of our poems and stuff...we never got around to it. You should do that though! It would be great to have and read over when you are older or with your kids one day. I mean as a way to release your feelings it's great! It doesn't have to be anything it's fine and wonderful the way it is. You know what..you could even submit it to one of those Chicken Books for the Soul books. They are always looking for true life poems. Good luck.

This is a very personal topic. I think it's o.k.