Please comment my poem..?

Question:Vomit for Validation

I feel my thoughts becoming actions;
each second that passes
makes me want to commit this
secret act I hold so dear.

I cease to think about anything else,
hurriedly I walk to the bathroom
impatient for what is to come.
I stand before the toilet,
fingers down my throat.

My worries and emotions take the form of
peanut butter and cookies,
chips and crackers,
cupcakes and brownies.

Now they are a brown, fluid mess
collected in the perfectly white toilet bowl,
soon to be guiltlessly flushed away,
never to be seen again.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Vomit for Validation

I feel my thoughts becoming actions;
each second that passes
makes me want to commit this
secret act I hold so dear.

I cease to think about anything else,
hurriedly I walk to the bathroom
impatient for what is to come.
I stand before the toilet,
fingers down my throat.

My worries and emotions take the form of
peanut butter and cookies,
chips and crackers,
cupcakes and brownies.

Now they are a brown, fluid mess
collected in the perfectly white toilet bowl,
soon to be guiltlessly flushed away,
never to be seen again.

Well, good thing I haven't read this while I was eating!

But it doesn't mean that it's a bad thing that the image of throw up is so vivid because I think it was pretty good. The overall message has clarity, it flows really nice, and your imagery( though pretty gross at times) is very vivid and effective.

So overall, I thought this is a original poem, and I liked it.

Keep writing. Thanks for sharing.

Mmmm well yep umm nice job

I get it...but I dont really like it...I like the way you think though...I think you just need to work on it. The way you wrote is very cool and very good as a poem writer but the words didn't really work here and there. I liked the 3rd paragraph the best it actually is ok....compared to the others its better. Your writing is different in a good way.

very good, very emotional...you are doing a good job!

Well your writing was nice however the description of puke was a little disgusting. The structure of your poem was very nice. It was different. I liked it.

i like it,ive never seen vomiting explained so vividly and accurately.actually it was freaking awesome.lol you rock!