A New Unusual Poem from me. What do you think?

Question:A NEW DAY DAWNING

When all consciousnes fails me,
I can feel the nail driven through my heart
not necessarily an answer to the problem
but it’s at least a new start. Beyond

what has only been practiced up to now.
The rules and regimens are trashed
and thrashed, and we shall begin again
in a new way; in a new day of reckoning.

The dawn arises as our new plans
brings surprises to
the old and decrepit minds.
We see the future,
we call its name;
we are here to make our claim
to a new way of life, with renewed blood
sealed in the fate we are the new brood,
that shall save you from the fires below
and show you another way to go.

We feast upon the liars web,
the nightcrawling creatures and
oceans ebb,
the moon above
and shallow fear, they shall light our
way, to conquer fears
of darkness and isolation.
We are the new family.
Make way for a new day.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A NEW DAY DAWNING

When all consciousnes fails me,
I can feel the nail driven through my heart
not necessarily an answer to the problem
but it’s at least a new start. Beyond

what has only been practiced up to now.
The rules and regimens are trashed
and thrashed, and we shall begin again
in a new way; in a new day of reckoning.

The dawn arises as our new plans
brings surprises to
the old and decrepit minds.
We see the future,
we call its name;
we are here to make our claim
to a new way of life, with renewed blood
sealed in the fate we are the new brood,
that shall save you from the fires below
and show you another way to go.

We feast upon the liars web,
the nightcrawling creatures and
oceans ebb,
the moon above
and shallow fear, they shall light our
way, to conquer fears
of darkness and isolation.
We are the new family.
Make way for a new day.

I take it as the passing of generations and hope for the future. I'm at the point where I'm ready for the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers to pass the wheel to Gen X and so on.

Thats pretty damn good.

keep writin

This is pretty good. I believe you should re think where you break your lines at (sometimes very good, sometimes thoughtless). Overall a very good poem with ambience.

It's like you're mixing up different styles within the same poem, gets a little confused sometimes, but that's the point, isn't it? It's about shaking things up, "trashing and thrashing" them. An experiment. I think a learning experiment. That I applaud.

As a poem though, it doesn't really work. Too confused. It's like reading one of those novels by ten different authors, each taking a chapter--just leaves you shaking your head.

What I did enjoy about this read was the inventive rhyme use;keep going with that, I think you may be able to move into a very complicated scheme and structure, and hit Great meaning!

Very unusual in its twists with flow. The last stanza intrigued me because of its almost stacatto beat as if echoing the call to action. Clever starting with slow and regular and building. No great images but statements flowing to a conclusion. The reader can insert his own opinions such as Obama, etc. Well done for the approach and thoughts provoked.

I think this poem is great!!!!!!!!!!!