Alright, beloved poetry geniuses, please help me for I am dim-witted, have zero

Question:wants a sexy/artistic poem by Monday... Here's an example of what I've managed to concoct... It's absurd, I know...

Platypus vs. Cantoulope [Sic]

Contamination, you silly creature
Come forth from thine lair
I'm in fear of no Canine
Not even his dark blonde hair

I've ne'er seen a lady
Maybe I suck.
I'll one day go to the devile
And there I'll mind my beloved duck

Junipers, Pearls and crocodiles,
Assault me not with your knowledge of Jeet Kun Do
I have my own remedy for this
And it's worked for me many times befo'

... See what I'm working with? Now please offer some brilliant ideas so that my love will not leave me as I have the mind of a corn cob pipe. Thank you literary geniuses.

(oh, P.S. my poem is set to "Cavalleria Rusticana," Levine)

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: wants a sexy/artistic poem by Monday... Here's an example of what I've managed to concoct... It's absurd, I know...

Platypus vs. Cantoulope [Sic]

Contamination, you silly creature
Come forth from thine lair
I'm in fear of no Canine
Not even his dark blonde hair

I've ne'er seen a lady
Maybe I suck.
I'll one day go to the devile
And there I'll mind my beloved duck

Junipers, Pearls and crocodiles,
Assault me not with your knowledge of Jeet Kun Do
I have my own remedy for this
And it's worked for me many times befo'

... See what I'm working with? Now please offer some brilliant ideas so that my love will not leave me as I have the mind of a corn cob pipe. Thank you literary geniuses.

(oh, P.S. my poem is set to "Cavalleria Rusticana," Levine)

I actually love this! Ahaha. It may not be 'poetic' by anyone else's standards, but the humor and the effort put into this is charming.

Do you really use words like 'thine' and 'ne'er', and expressions such as 'assault me not'? (Shouldn't it be 'assault not me')?
If you rewrite this piece in English, some of what is wrong with it will become immediately apparent.
Poetry can be many things - but hardly ever 'poetic'.

If your girlfriend reads poetry and you want to write a good poem by Monday, I think we can consider it Mission Impossible 4 on the strength of these efforts!

No offence, I don't think I'm telling you anything new here. The only advice I can really give you, you'll no doubt already have heard; write something honest. Don't make it a sap-fest, cos she's bound to hate that, but don't try too consciously to be crazy or arty; (like I think you've done here)
just write about who she is and what she means to you and sneak a peek at some of her poetry books if you get the chance. I bet she's got some pretty good stuff!