Another poem (this one really is) whatcha all think?

Question:Fall

It looks like fall out today
There’s gold in the air
The forest is thinning itself
And the sky is a vibrant blue

At night the air brings life
And the stars stare deeply down
Like they’re studying
Or are the intense, piercing eyes of
Actors in great dramas
Soliloquizing the circle of life.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Fall

It looks like fall out today
There’s gold in the air
The forest is thinning itself
And the sky is a vibrant blue

At night the air brings life
And the stars stare deeply down
Like they’re studying
Or are the intense, piercing eyes of
Actors in great dramas
Soliloquizing the circle of life.

Yep, this is wonderful. I agree with your first poster. I particularly like the way you use simplicity to describe. Not all great poems need tremendous verbage just a skilled way of making the words work to promote a landscape of color and images like you have here.
It's yummy.

Beautiful! I like it. Job well down.

good job. I love it!

This is very scary. As soon as I see the word(s) "fall out" I think of a nuclear explosion. I don't think that's an accident. It works on both levels all the way through. In other words, it is radiantly written.

You described today - the thinning I see, is Spring clean up.. I enjoyed this poem.

I find it ironic I'm reading this on the first day of spring. =D

I really like the image the first stanza brings to mind. I imagine walking through a meadow lined by a forest with the leaves turning all the colors of fall. The sun is shining golden light against the really blue sky without clouds and the air has that crisp autumn bite to it. Then the picture changes to stargazing on an autumn night, perhaps in September or October when the air is pleasantly chilly.

I did stumble a little when I hit "Like they're studying......" I think it might read a bit easier if you made it "Like they're studying/ The inhabitants of earth". I want to know what their studying. I think it leads into the "or are the intense, piercing eyes of" line easier as well.

I really like the idea that they are the eyes of these great cosmic actors. It makes me think of all the constellations and the ancient mythological Gods playing out their "great dramas". It's a lovely idea. I might transfer the word of down a like to make it "Or are the intense piercing eyes/ Of actors in great dramas"

One thing I really did trip over was the word "Soliloquizing", but after I looked up the definition it wasn't quite so confusing. I do think it is slightly out of place because it is the only ten point vocab word in an otherwise simple poem. I really like the simplicity, but I am undecided about whether I really like the last line. I think it brings in the complexity of the universe and for that reason I like it, but I think it's just a tad out of place among the simplicity of the rest of the piece. I think the more I read it the more it grows on me, which is a good thing for a poem.

One last suggestion that is completely personal preference: I like the word Autumn better than the word Fall, but I think the poem works using either word and therefore it's personal preference.

Again, a poem full of lovely imagery. Nice work.

Actors in great dramas with piercing eyes...that is worth the price of admission! I cant wait to read your spring poem this fall. Well done. Perhaps you live in the souther hemisphere?

thats deep dude. i like it.