Good Poem??

Question:ETERNAL GARDEN

He falters under the relentless mercy of the waves,
As they brake onto the ocean washed shore,
Dragging him into the mass blue sea,
Spinning him out of control,
Spiraling down deeper into the forbidden blackness of the sea,
As the waves drive him deeper,
Harder it becomes for him to distinguish between pain and agony,
And death and happiness,
The screaming inside of his head becomes more and more intense,
Louder,
More agitating then the feeling of insanity that starts to grip him,
Dizziness,
Uncontrollable rage,
Spontaneous screaming,
Struggling,
Unsteady breathing,
Suddenly halted,
As he floats in a quiet desolate sanctuary of happiness and peace,
Listening to the voices draw him nearer,
And nearer,
To the eternal garden,
Where he sleeps.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: ETERNAL GARDEN

He falters under the relentless mercy of the waves,
As they brake onto the ocean washed shore,
Dragging him into the mass blue sea,
Spinning him out of control,
Spiraling down deeper into the forbidden blackness of the sea,
As the waves drive him deeper,
Harder it becomes for him to distinguish between pain and agony,
And death and happiness,
The screaming inside of his head becomes more and more intense,
Louder,
More agitating then the feeling of insanity that starts to grip him,
Dizziness,
Uncontrollable rage,
Spontaneous screaming,
Struggling,
Unsteady breathing,
Suddenly halted,
As he floats in a quiet desolate sanctuary of happiness and peace,
Listening to the voices draw him nearer,
And nearer,
To the eternal garden,
Where he sleeps.

Fantastic. I like how he struggles in the pain and terror. Frightening. And the voices, that is, is that the voices of death? Or what?

I love it.

Interesting concept. I like the idea. But with that said, it needs work. A lot of work, actually. Sorry.

I get what you are trying to say and yes it is good but there are too many ANDs in it and not enough words to back it up. but i do have to say i got a visual