Please judge my poem?

Question:Silent warrior, you are here to observe
To watch all my fears and my weakness
You eagle eyes are piercing my soul
In them I don’t see forgiveness

My gorgeous man, are you here to stay?
To spend just a moment, or maybe years?
Or would you keep running away,
Leaving me alone with my fears?

My God, you’re replacing my sun
With the moon and its dull gloomy light
Has your journey ended, or just began?
Is my eagle preparing for his flight?

Say something, just give me a word
Your silence is killing my spirit
You’re tired, you’ve traveled the world
So just stay with me for a minute.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Silent warrior, you are here to observe
To watch all my fears and my weakness
You eagle eyes are piercing my soul
In them I don’t see forgiveness

My gorgeous man, are you here to stay?
To spend just a moment, or maybe years?
Or would you keep running away,
Leaving me alone with my fears?

My God, you’re replacing my sun
With the moon and its dull gloomy light
Has your journey ended, or just began?
Is my eagle preparing for his flight?

Say something, just give me a word
Your silence is killing my spirit
You’re tired, you’ve traveled the world
So just stay with me for a minute.

Wow this reminds me of the fears i had when my older boyfriend and i first got together. I love this because it just speaks to me. is that what you're talking about?

I think you're much better at reading poetry...

than writing it.

its ok i guess

I think it's pretty good. It could use some more emotion.
Nice work:)

i like it but it's kide og depressing

If you want evaluation by poets, or at least people who write poetry regularly, the best forum I have found so far is http://www.thepoetsanctuary.net/ They have some 'gentle' forums where you can post and get some general feedback and advice and if you aren't afraid of very direct critique - not rude but sometimes painfully truthful- then they have critique forums were you'll get your wish.

i think that you are hurting over this guy.
it makes me think...

of things yearned in tear stained eyes,
it is beautifyl

mdg

Well, you started off rhyming then it sort of fell apart at the end. It needs some work. You have some great ideas going. You just need to work on the wording some more. Then it will be better then good.