This poem any good?

Question:"God's Canvas"

The sky is the canvas, on which I paint with the clouds;
I stroke my white brush on the tender blue sky;
Hoping that the delicate rendering will look just right;
I smother the colorless wonder carefully onto my canvas;
As I am finishing I will cover the faint moon and replace it;
Now with a brighter light as a symbol of a new day;
Delicate and careful not to harm the sky, I erase it at night and start with indigo and sapphire;
I gracefully brush darker shades, gradually to show the change;
Then come white dots, to symbolize all the miracles that happened that day;
Who would have thought something so perfect would be so mistaken?

The poem is supposed to be god's perspective of creating the sky....i know he didn't really paint the sky, but it's art, it doesnt' have to be completely true. GIVE ME CRITIQUE TO MAKE IT BETTER! GOD BLESS!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "God's Canvas"

The sky is the canvas, on which I paint with the clouds;
I stroke my white brush on the tender blue sky;
Hoping that the delicate rendering will look just right;
I smother the colorless wonder carefully onto my canvas;
As I am finishing I will cover the faint moon and replace it;
Now with a brighter light as a symbol of a new day;
Delicate and careful not to harm the sky, I erase it at night and start with indigo and sapphire;
I gracefully brush darker shades, gradually to show the change;
Then come white dots, to symbolize all the miracles that happened that day;
Who would have thought something so perfect would be so mistaken?

The poem is supposed to be god's perspective of creating the sky....i know he didn't really paint the sky, but it's art, it doesnt' have to be completely true. GIVE ME CRITIQUE TO MAKE IT BETTER! GOD BLESS!

I personally love it.. It makes you look from a different point of view. And it doesn't have to rhyme.. This is a freee verse poem... I admire it...

so, read it over. you'll notice it doesn't really flow... so work on that. maybe add a few rhymes here and there.. I like the message behind it, it just needs a fine tune up

Well, it's very interesting. I can see you painting a picture and that's neat. Put some of the lines in poetic form like start with Delicate, take the I erase and put it under delicate. That takes the length out of it. The sky isn't tender, that's more of a feeling, use another descriptive word for that, like maybe boundless or vast. With a little polishing it can be really nice.

There's a lot of "I" in this poem. It kind of distracts from the act of painting the sky. Also, use of words like "smother" are a little bold for the delicacy you're going for. You might think about removing some of the descriptors of the verbs too. They get a bit boggy.
The idea is unique, and your poem is a lovely picture with a lot of feeling. Keep up the good work!

This poem needs some swirling and powerful movement. it seems to be a painting rather than creation itself so we are dealing with mainly visual but symbolic images. For miracles to be interpreted as white dots seems to be an anticlimax. Breathe more energy into it and make it sound more purposeful.

work on your wording..it doesnt seem to flow