Comments on my poem?

Question:Impact, usage, etc.

Thanks. I'm in ninth grade, so don't expect anything amazing.

When blinded by my tears,
The world will be a blurry image
The numbing cold will preserve me
Though no sign of life will be evident

I'll be in a coma
My emotions will torture me
They'll get just close enough
For me to see
But not touch
Never again will I truly feel.

Stay with me one moment longer
Let us laugh one last laugh
And share one last glance
I'll soak it in,
And make it last.
I won't let the clock tick away
So carelessly, so cruely

The one feeling I cannot live without
Is becoming ash
It won't slip through my fingers,
But the wind will carry it away.

My love,
Take me with you,
I'll leave it all behind
You are my light,
Don't leave me in the dark.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Impact, usage, etc.

Thanks. I'm in ninth grade, so don't expect anything amazing.

When blinded by my tears,
The world will be a blurry image
The numbing cold will preserve me
Though no sign of life will be evident

I'll be in a coma
My emotions will torture me
They'll get just close enough
For me to see
But not touch
Never again will I truly feel.

Stay with me one moment longer
Let us laugh one last laugh
And share one last glance
I'll soak it in,
And make it last.
I won't let the clock tick away
So carelessly, so cruely

The one feeling I cannot live without
Is becoming ash
It won't slip through my fingers,
But the wind will carry it away.

My love,
Take me with you,
I'll leave it all behind
You are my light,
Don't leave me in the dark.

Wow, amazing...that's what I call talent!!!!!!!!
I can really really REALLY feel emotion in this poem...it stands out so much!!!
I JUST LOVE THIS POEM!!!
btw, i wasn't expecting anything amazing, but truly, it is...wow.
It's just awsome...AWSOME!!!

Dang, that's pretty impressive for 9th Grade!

Nice going.

i like it tho it reminds me of death... what is it about..or am i correct... or is it about you losing someone that was dear to you....

tho i like it one way or another...

I'm impressed! Very good!