I won't be impatient, tell me what you think?

Question:My compliments to you are meaningless,
You've forgotten me,
I'm shivering like a winter cold's night,
I'm fading?
I was only something you believed in,
You take away from yourself,
I will never be a memory,
I forever live inside you because I love you,
I will never leave you for doing something insanely stupid,
Do you even know I love you?
Is this why you forgotten?
Nothing else matters or exsists in your second life after your love's gone,
I forgive you for forgetting, I know your pain,
When you ascend, I'll be awaiting this house,
Sitting at the top of the stairs, like a kid sitting infront of the chirstmas tree waiting for santa clause to come,
I won't be impatient I want you to live for as long as you can.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: My compliments to you are meaningless,
You've forgotten me,
I'm shivering like a winter cold's night,
I'm fading?
I was only something you believed in,
You take away from yourself,
I will never be a memory,
I forever live inside you because I love you,
I will never leave you for doing something insanely stupid,
Do you even know I love you?
Is this why you forgotten?
Nothing else matters or exsists in your second life after your love's gone,
I forgive you for forgetting, I know your pain,
When you ascend, I'll be awaiting this house,
Sitting at the top of the stairs, like a kid sitting infront of the chirstmas tree waiting for santa clause to come,
I won't be impatient I want you to live for as long as you can.

Strikes a chord for us who have not given up; who believe in a home coming that is truly sinking into warm welcoming arms. This poem is very good, meaningful. Please don't let the soulless critics cause you to stop writing. If you will look, you'll see that they only like the lines that are reminiscent of songs they hear! They are afraid of authenticity it has to be a "known" game, movie, book, whatever, they seek the approval of others, don't- write what touches your heart, they can't hear it--but others can and appreciate it. Good work!

OUTSTANDING!

ehh...kind of repetitive

I like it!

I LOVE IT

Can you email me that. Its so good. You should share it with the world and write more. You have a great talent.

That is very good :) I enjoyed it!

Really good potential, I like the line "I forever live inside you because I love you," Some parts could use re-wording tho.

I'm shivering like a winter cold's night,
I'm fading?

Should probably be:

I'm shivering like a winter's cold night, I'm fading?

The minor punctuation aside I enjoyed you poem :)

is this why you <have> forgotten?

When you ascend, I will be awaiting <you in> this house

When you ascend, I will be <waiting for you in> this house

Is there a composition to this poem or is it just random words in random lines? Study poetry (learn the difference between haiku's, etc.) and rewrite it in a good form. Honestly, it sounds like a 15 year-old trying to think of words that go together to sound meaningfull for his girlfriend who dumped him. And it sucks. Sorry dude

There are a few grammatical errors and I am not sure that it is consistent. I would take some of the not so good lines and change them with other wording.

This is a poem about yourself. Try using images of the other person, if there is one. It is completely on the ground and is going nowhere. Santa is going to disappoint you.

You have some grammatical errors but I really like your poem. You have some great ideas going. Did you forget the "in" when you said When you ascend, I'll be awaiting this house? and "have" in Is this why you forgotten? It sounds better if you put that in. Other then that I liked it. I think you should keep writing.