When everything is you poem tell me if you like?

Question:My head is spinning circles,
My blood circulates slower than it use to,
My immune system isn't so immune to your kisses,
Angle of death I can hear your summon,
My body, how can this be weak!
Failure red lights dilate,
This couldnt be, it shouldn't be.
Days and days on end,
Alone in the white abyss,
A name calling unlike any other --Alex....ALEX,
I open my eyes and all I could see was you,
I bring you in hold you tight,
Gasp for breath as im strangled by my own ventilation system,
Everybody rushes around me, my curiousity is long gone,
In the end I live inside you as a white spirit cirulating your body like blood making everything stronger and better for you like a drug unlike any other. When everything is you

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: My head is spinning circles,
My blood circulates slower than it use to,
My immune system isn't so immune to your kisses,
Angle of death I can hear your summon,
My body, how can this be weak!
Failure red lights dilate,
This couldnt be, it shouldn't be.
Days and days on end,
Alone in the white abyss,
A name calling unlike any other --Alex....ALEX,
I open my eyes and all I could see was you,
I bring you in hold you tight,
Gasp for breath as im strangled by my own ventilation system,
Everybody rushes around me, my curiousity is long gone,
In the end I live inside you as a white spirit cirulating your body like blood making everything stronger and better for you like a drug unlike any other. When everything is you

You need to reread it aloud to yourself and ask yourself does this sound right? I think you might have meant to put angel of death. You need punctuation badly. I can see your points in the poem so it's okay but keep writing. You'll get better.

aww i loved this
ur really really good
keep it up!!

it's good...i like it a lot!!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

good

I don't like the immune system line, the fact you use her name, or the last 2 lines, but I really like the rest

This is strength of Spirit, an infusion of love a message to sustain those left behind; saying hang on I'lm here, I'm waiting I won't let you down. Excellent :)