From a dying father to an unborn son he will never meet......?

Question:Im sorry my boy that i had to die,
I would love to be with you to hear your first cry,
to see your first tear trickle down your face,
and watch you grow at your very own pace.

Ill hear your prayers and answer them all,
Ill be with you in spirit to ensure you dont fall.
Im so sad i had to go,
but believe me son i loved you so.

A little advice to you is to always reach for the top,
Believe in all you do and theres no way you can drop.
I wish i could hug and help you through your day,
It wasnt by choice,I was dragged away.

Son I now have to depart,
but il always be with you deep down in your heart.
When you think of me dont shed a tear,
Cause I promise you son,Ill always be near.

....you like/dont like...?comments appriciated as iv begun to really like writing!! ta

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Im sorry my boy that i had to die,
I would love to be with you to hear your first cry,
to see your first tear trickle down your face,
and watch you grow at your very own pace.

Ill hear your prayers and answer them all,
Ill be with you in spirit to ensure you dont fall.
Im so sad i had to go,
but believe me son i loved you so.

A little advice to you is to always reach for the top,
Believe in all you do and theres no way you can drop.
I wish i could hug and help you through your day,
It wasnt by choice,I was dragged away.

Son I now have to depart,
but il always be with you deep down in your heart.
When you think of me dont shed a tear,
Cause I promise you son,Ill always be near.

....you like/dont like...?comments appriciated as iv begun to really like writing!! ta

it is all about love their is nothing wrong with it thanks

well i don't wish to be unkind but its a bit turgid. If i was a son reading that i don't think i would be especially comforted.

It's beautiful yet tragic. I can't decide except maybe something a bit more positive for the son to read? Please know I couldn't do better, but you did ask. : )

I think it's great to try to express yourself through poetry, but I think you should stick to what you know. I think that this is far too emotive a subject to take a stab in the dark at, and it doesn't read like you spent more than maybe half an hour on it. Read back over it and put yourself in the father's place - is this really all you would want to say? And would you say it this way? Does the mother of the baby mean anything to him? Rhyming couplets are a little juvenile...try and pace your poems a little differently - this is McGonagal-esque in style, and trust me, you don't want that!