Please read the Poem and tell me what you think?

Question:In the tombstone of my mind I found him
He was everything I didn't want to be
Anything and everything I despised drenched his charachter
Though I almost hated him he was still part of me, part of my being
I looked across the space to see my face, oh to be a charachter flaw

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: In the tombstone of my mind I found him
He was everything I didn't want to be
Anything and everything I despised drenched his charachter
Though I almost hated him he was still part of me, part of my being
I looked across the space to see my face, oh to be a charachter flaw

I like what you've got here. I think it could use a little polishing, but the idea is very nice.

I really like the phrase: "In the tombstone of my mind I found him." and the fact you said you almost hate him, instead of actually hating him outright.

I think the poem might work a little better like this:
In the tombstone of my mind I found him
He was everything I didn't want to be
Anything and everything I despised drenched him
Though I almost hated him; he was still a part of me.
I looked across the space to see my face
My character flaws

I think if you save the word "character" until the last line instead of repeating it twice it gives it more punch and keeps the poem from being repetitive. I also think that the phrase "part of my being" is a bit redundant when you said he's a part of you just before.

Again, this is a very nice poem. I do really love the idea and concept you have portrayed. I really identify with hating a part of yourself. The way your flaws seem like a different being.

Good job and keep writing!

Excellent. You have to divide it into lines/stanzas for it to be considered a poem though. Very witty. I liked the line "In the tombstone of my mind, I found him". Also, use the right punctuations. It will help a lot in the rhythm.

Continue writing.

i like it

Mmmm,everything is okay except for the "oh to be a character flaw"

You don't have much of an opinion of yourself. You lost me on the last two lines.

that was actually pretty good except the last line. the poem seemed to kinda drift off there. i love the first line though. its really quite clever.

I think it's pretty good. It just needs to be put in poem form. Right now, it looks like a paragraph.