Can I offer you a slice of clay pigeon? Please critique this poem-ersatz.?

Question:Ad hoc conspiracy at an excruciatingly bad cocktail party

Our wandering gazes tell
We contemplate social hell
Maintaining a thin disguise

No party should be so dull
But conversational lull
Would certainly draw some eyes,

So, graciously inexact,
We casually interact
And fabricate lovely lies.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Ad hoc conspiracy at an excruciatingly bad cocktail party

Our wandering gazes tell
We contemplate social hell
Maintaining a thin disguise

No party should be so dull
But conversational lull
Would certainly draw some eyes,

So, graciously inexact,
We casually interact
And fabricate lovely lies.

There's little I can critique:
Like the people of whom you speak
Your discourse is glib, I ken.

Exceedingly well-expressed
But expressive of boredom, at best:
A poet who's twiddling his pen.

So, left thus with naught to say
I'm putting my blades away
And giving you ten of ten.

Few words that tell a great story...I was with the players the whole way. Nice poem.

I think it's great.

What's this about junior critics? Not stuck up are we?

If you wanted to make it even better you could get some specifics in there instead of the broader more cliched lines.

ie. wandering gazes. social hell. thin disguise. draw some eyes.

I like the fabricate lovely lies lines. and gravciously inexact and casually interact. that's some good stuff.

The line "But conversational lull" is a bit obtuse. But any conversational lull?

But I thought it was fun and light hearted. Nothing I'd want to fillet or julianne.

great! the rhymes work well and feel natural which is impressive. the rhythm and line brakes all work really well. the only problem i have with it is how short it is and how abruptly it ends, but maybe thats just a reflection on the actual interaction that the poems about.

Junior critics, apparently, have thin skins. Who knew?

I like the nearly limerick quality of the piece, the consistent meter and I always appreciate an added complexity of a non-standard rhyme pattern.

For me it's never the subject matter (OK, except for angst) that make a poem bad, but the approach. No new stories under the sun and all that.

While it won't change anyone's life, and that was not the intention, it is entertaining and clever, and that, i believe, was the intention.

So, communication achieved = success