Haiku again, any comments?

Question:In sunshine he sits,
A shadow crosses his face
reluctant, he stirs.

would the last line flow better as such:

reluctantly, stirs
?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: In sunshine he sits,
A shadow crosses his face
reluctant, he stirs.

would the last line flow better as such:

reluctantly, stirs
?

I agree. "Reluctant, he stirs." works better than reluctantly. I like the picture this brings to mind of this guy sitting in the sun, perhaps watching the shapes in the clouds, when a shadow passes over and he has to leave. I like the fact that the shadow is very ambiguous and leaves you to imagine what it could be; perhaps it is rain clouds or perhaps someone is standing over him.

I like the original one better, with the last line "reluctant, he stirs". It flows better than "reluctantly, stirs", I think.

still good

The first one - as is. Reluctant reflects to the man. Reluctantly reflects to the stir - imho.

Nice haiku.

I think you should keep it the way it is. In "reluctant, he stirs.", the reluctant feels seperated from the he stirs so it gives a mysterious effect to the haiku. The way i read it i broke up the "reluctant" from the "he stirs", so it gives an abrupt ending almost suspensful, but still very mysterious and erei.

Ah, 575! I also like "he stirs, reluctant". Nice image presented, either way. Or, should I say: Either way, nice image presented?

reluctant, he stires is perfect.

reluctantly, he stires, doesn't go well Haiku style