Hey what do you think 10 pts?

Question:hey, im 13 years old and i was thinking about entering this poem in a local poem contest. what do YOU think?

you dont know these kids and what they feel.
the pains so bad if seems unreal.
punches, kicks, blood flowing,
you wonder how these kids keep going.
brainwashed to believe they deserve all this.
a miracle is like getting a kiss.

Fathers, mothers, all around
push their kids to the ground.
One day a father hit a little to much.
His son falling looking for something to clutch.

The will to live fades away.
They can't bear to live another day.
Tears are silent for their eyes don't cry.
Finally the pain defeats them and they say goodbye.

So before you judge and walk right on by.
Remember this could be one of those ready to die.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: hey, im 13 years old and i was thinking about entering this poem in a local poem contest. what do YOU think?

you dont know these kids and what they feel.
the pains so bad if seems unreal.
punches, kicks, blood flowing,
you wonder how these kids keep going.
brainwashed to believe they deserve all this.
a miracle is like getting a kiss.

Fathers, mothers, all around
push their kids to the ground.
One day a father hit a little to much.
His son falling looking for something to clutch.

The will to live fades away.
They can't bear to live another day.
Tears are silent for their eyes don't cry.
Finally the pain defeats them and they say goodbye.

So before you judge and walk right on by.
Remember this could be one of those ready to die.

Not bad at all. I made some mostly grammatical corrections:

You don't know these kids and what they feel;
the pains so bad if seems unreal.
Punches, kicks, blood flowing
you wonder how these kids keep going;
brainwashed to believe they deserve all this.
A miracle is like getting a kiss.

Fathers, mothers, all around
push their kids to the ground.
One day a father hit a little too much.
His son falling looking for something to clutch.

The will to live fades away.
They can't bear to live another day.
Tears are silent, for their eyes don't cry.
Finally the pain defeats them and they say goodbye.

So before you judge and walk right on by
Remember this could be one of those ready to die.

it was good i liked it =]] good job

nice, I liked it, doesnt sound depressive thank god :) lol, but its gotd expresses somewhat of us kids you might need to tap up on it but not sure

that's really good, you should definitely enter this it shows the other side of abuse

Very intense! I like.

wow thats really sad...but i love it it's soo good...keep it up!!

read mine plz:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

this is absolute so sad!!! its beautiful though, i'm a poet. you should send this in definitely!