A second for tuesday. i hope you hunger for more. How is this.?

Question:"evolved"

Goddess of my fearless love,
please cleanse my soul of grief.
I had a dream, I might be king,
If our hearts could only meet..

A man of mercy, I'll not be tamed,
we have not much in common..
The Gods forgave me long ago,
but I'll not accept your blame.

My face seems oh so aged,
So many tears forgot..
I live where the Ravens crow.
I am the chosen one.

Soon well meet again my love.
where angels fear to tread.
On both our paths evil has fled,
I give back to you your life.

Seduced I was by the stars,
I saw you in the sky..
I saw and heard through the night,
no longer am I living, but I am not dead.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "evolved"

Goddess of my fearless love,
please cleanse my soul of grief.
I had a dream, I might be king,
If our hearts could only meet..

A man of mercy, I'll not be tamed,
we have not much in common..
The Gods forgave me long ago,
but I'll not accept your blame.

My face seems oh so aged,
So many tears forgot..
I live where the Ravens crow.
I am the chosen one.

Soon well meet again my love.
where angels fear to tread.
On both our paths evil has fled,
I give back to you your life.

Seduced I was by the stars,
I saw you in the sky..
I saw and heard through the night,
no longer am I living, but I am not dead.

As always, your poetry has your readers thinking. I know personally, I keep imaging what have you gone through to write such words. I wish I could write like this but mine always end up about the lost love and can't get the dark words out :)

Love your work!

It's pretty good.
Nice work:)

Musically delicious! Good projection, nice poem indeed.

Yes! You nailed this one.

"goddess of fearless love" and "if our hearts could only meet" seems to clash with "i'll not accept your blame".

I don't understand the third stanza and how it relates to the rest of the poem.

Um, if you meet someone where angels fear to tread, can that really be a path where evil has fled?

I guess i'm a little confused, and feel like I'm getting some mixed messages by your poem - like how you rhyme ABCB sometimes, but use ABCA one time and ABBC another and some none at all. Keeping some kind of consistency in rhyming structure (or lack thereof) would help give your poem some underlying structure. You seem to have a sense for natural rhythm, though, don't lose that!

One more minor thing - "seduced I was" makes me think of Yoda. "I was seduced" sounds a little more natural. =)

It sounds good - I would advise running it through another draft or too to hone it up a little bit here and there. It seems like you're going for that "ancient mystical" vibe, but you can achieve that through your imagery (and you are) - so don't try too hard to talk like a bard or something. Talk like you, if you know what I'm saying.

Saul