A dark poem comments please?

Question:In a maze of confusion,
your axe on attack,
my eye's say look forward
but such urge to look back.

Red rum is calling,
murder in diguise,
I want to
but cannot, close my eye's.

Can I escape,
or am I hedged in,
is this the pay back
for non virtue
but sin?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: In a maze of confusion,
your axe on attack,
my eye's say look forward
but such urge to look back.

Red rum is calling,
murder in diguise,
I want to
but cannot, close my eye's.

Can I escape,
or am I hedged in,
is this the pay back
for non virtue
but sin?

OMFG....thats awesome.....did u write that...we should be friends lol...

eh, its ok... Redrum antics are getting old and corny now...

wow, its good

wow...i havent seen anything like this before...wow...r u a guy? not joking

Good, I like it!

it smacks of teenage store bought goth, but at least your trying to be creative. Let your ego go first, then write something.

Don't take this as an insult, I couldn't write even an amusing comment on a bathroom stall.

nice

Its nice.

IT'S AWESOME. i THINK YOU DID A GREAT JOB !

If you wrote that its very good but i think you meant "NOT" virtue but sin ?

Also it is a poem written by someone who's riddled with doubt and guilt but has the strength to overcome it .

not bad, i enjoyed it.

~sig~
7 days without soccer makes one weak.

The beauty of meditation reveals an abstract. The black wall or veil on either side this path. Oh roar will you beastly lion who does hunt me day and night. Roar! beast and reveal your presence that you might be laid down with the lamb.

you are true tortured artist.... congratulations on being uniquely the same as everyone else

I think it's good.
Nice work:)

Too many commas. Phrase your poems to either have commas or not - not smattered haphazardly throughout.

Second line in all I could do was think about those days long gone when I played dungeons and dragons... and the rest of the poem I was fighting the urge to yell out "one die 20! one die 20! sword of slaying plus one!"

Why look back? Why not? Explain that one. Who is attacking you with an axe?

...

Okay, I can't go on.

"flaming hands! two die six damage against your shield of unrelenting bombastity! agh! critical blow to my armor of self-respect!"

=) *snark*

Saul