Another stab at haiku, how's this one?

Question:There's no moon tonight;
The owl flies in darkness
Its belly now full.

note: I wrote this last night while wrestling with insomnia and wondered then, as I am now, if I hit the darkness/lack-of-light thing too hard.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: There's no moon tonight;
The owl flies in darkness
Its belly now full.

note: I wrote this last night while wrestling with insomnia and wondered then, as I am now, if I hit the darkness/lack-of-light thing too hard.

I like the image of an owl flying along, but I feel that it could be worded better. One thing I notice is, if it is dark and no moon, how can you see the owl? How do you know it is there? To me this doesn't quite capture the image moment of the owl. It is a wonderful start though.

Haiku is a very hard genre to write in despite the seeming simplicity of it. While the most common definition is: three–line poem in which the first line has five syllables, the second line has seven syllables, and the third line has five syllables – usually about nature. There is so MUCH more to haiku. This website is a great resource to learning what the true haiku is really about and I highly recommend checking it out.
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/ha...

Keep up your wonderful work and best of luck with the Haiku journey! You've got a great start.

I thinks this works really well with "no moon" and "darkness" actually. The last line brings it together for me, I see the satisfied owl moving deliberately in pitch black; it's like something from a nature programme, slow-motion film.

6,6,6? You got something else going here with the mark of devil? lol. I thought more traditional was 5,7,5. Nothing wrong with darkness, helps to set up the last line.
P.S. I count there's as 2, probably not correct, but that is how I count. Owl is aul, 1 syllable, but if you say two then you are correct. Give yourself 10 pts for agrravating responses! This 6,6,6 intrigues me, I wonder where that count would take me?

I make it 5 6 5
/\/\/
/\/\/\
/\/\/

It is too wordy - You don't need 'There's' you don't need 'tonight' cos -it must be night if the moon is mentioned.
You don't need 'in darkness'' - because we know that as there is no moon.
And nothing exceptional happens - a full tummy in an owl isn't that earth-shattering.
So find some other words to fill the gaps to create the 5 7 5
Please ignore me - I can't right haikus!!!