Rate my poem PLZ? offer your thoughts...?

Question:What is love?
a diseased emotion?
ocean of waves
mental corruption

When its blurry
the eye reveals
what is hated with
a bit that appeals

It looks so elegant
tender as a rose
The thorn it hides
No body knows

the truth is opaque
while a lie is a sun
if one and one don’t go
then why two and one

by: Nassah247

the first paragraph needs work i know

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: What is love?
a diseased emotion?
ocean of waves
mental corruption

When its blurry
the eye reveals
what is hated with
a bit that appeals

It looks so elegant
tender as a rose
The thorn it hides
No body knows

the truth is opaque
while a lie is a sun
if one and one don’t go
then why two and one

by: Nassah247

the first paragraph needs work i know

hey i like the second poem even more lol you should get a da fer sure

that is actually really good.
i like it. :]

Not bad...keep working on it...

i looooove it....i think the last stanza needs a bit of tweeking not the 1st..........plz email me any poems u have because they are really good and i really want to read them......tnx............. coolprincess_moi@yahoo.com

I'm a little confused what the poem is actually saying. Overall it's a good draft. Maybe punctuation would clear things up.

not bad!!

plz plz answer this i'm DESPRATE:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

You did good.
And even though emotion and corruption dont rhyme its still good.

2nd stanza is the weekest but its a really early draft
the sentiment is consistent but the rhymes are forced

love is a tender rose with hiden thorns
or truth, opaque as the noonday's sun

why not try starting with something lile this (or not) and
forget the rhyming for now

a twisted devotion?
(I think a diseased emotion sound a little off)

The rest of it is good, I hope it doesn't describe your love life.