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Position:Home>Poetry> 10pts i need your help?Question:which should i enter in a local contest? He always wondered why. He forced himself to never cry. but sometimes he wanted to die. she never cared. His mother left him. The light in his heart going dim. He wanted so badly her love. she never cared. The bruises on his heart. always make him fall apart. The boy is badly broken. She never cared. He is gone now. You could ask how. But you already know She never cared. --------------------------------------... People always say hold on and you'll be ok. We all know that ain't true. The world isn't new. It's always hard. why we put up a guard. People downtown dealin people cheatin, people stealin. the world ain't right. got to reach new heights. then we'll finally show maybe people ain't so low. maybe we all good at heart. we all do our part. we got to learn to love. so we can be w/ the father above. Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: which should i enter in a local contest? He always wondered why. He forced himself to never cry. but sometimes he wanted to die. she never cared. His mother left him. The light in his heart going dim. He wanted so badly her love. she never cared. The bruises on his heart. always make him fall apart. The boy is badly broken. She never cared. He is gone now. You could ask how. But you already know She never cared. --------------------------------------... People always say hold on and you'll be ok. We all know that ain't true. The world isn't new. It's always hard. why we put up a guard. People downtown dealin people cheatin, people stealin. the world ain't right. got to reach new heights. then we'll finally show maybe people ain't so low. maybe we all good at heart. we all do our part. we got to learn to love. so we can be w/ the father above. i think it should def. be between the first one and the last one. the second ones good, but those two are my favorites. i like the last one a little more than the first two...but it is also your decision in what you, the writer, thinks you did best with and put the most emotion in to. hope i helped! :D I LOVE the third! Your a talented writer! I think the first one. The second voice doesn't sound authentic. It sounds like a kid from the suburbs trying to sound street. The first one is a topic that we don't hear much about. The idea that all mother's love their children is an idea that doesn't always hold true. So many kids hate themselves when their moms leave because they believe that they must be monsters for that to happen. I think your first is your strongest. Good luck to you. Please keep on writing. I think you have a voice to develop. id say the first one cause it sounds better together and you get a better meaning out of it so the first one. The second one is best: ) Enter that one and you'll win. (Hopefully!) Good luck in your contest though! The 1st one is the best for a teenager the 2nd one i didn't grasp as much and the 3rd is sad. So go with the 1st . I'm 14 and have a poem publlished, send em all in. If you can only send one, the girl whoes a cutter would be the one i would choes. KEEP WRITING! i hope to see more. they are all good but here is the order that i like the poems 1st one 3rd one 2nd one the second one is neccesarily bad but the other two are definitely better. good luck in your contest! There is lots of drama but not very much poetry. The first is better than the second. Ryhming is not the only thing to make poems. Try some metaphor,simile,alliterartion and imagery. Keep writing. The subject matter can be worked at and made more interesting with a better use of words |