A light piece this morning, hope you all like. I am experimenting with sonnet -l

Question:A Light-hearted Winter Requiem

Winter’s hold is fading
And I’m beginning to dream again
There are only a few days remaining
My heart once more is open

The sun is real once more
Giving heat now, as well as its light
I’m remembering what my song is for:
The day and not just the night.

My girl is prettier
Her legs now, I can see they are smooth
Come hither to me now, won’t you sit here
Your winter scars I will sooth

Let us walk and be warm
Let us now shed our thick winter hide
Our shadows are set free to draw our form
Reborn, all that has died

Listen to my song, let spring’s dance begin
It had been too long; it is time to sin.

(I'm not sure if I quite got the rhythm right--please feel free to comment, ridicule, insult or constructively criticize)

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A Light-hearted Winter Requiem

Winter’s hold is fading
And I’m beginning to dream again
There are only a few days remaining
My heart once more is open

The sun is real once more
Giving heat now, as well as its light
I’m remembering what my song is for:
The day and not just the night.

My girl is prettier
Her legs now, I can see they are smooth
Come hither to me now, won’t you sit here
Your winter scars I will sooth

Let us walk and be warm
Let us now shed our thick winter hide
Our shadows are set free to draw our form
Reborn, all that has died

Listen to my song, let spring’s dance begin
It had been too long; it is time to sin.

(I'm not sure if I quite got the rhythm right--please feel free to comment, ridicule, insult or constructively criticize)

14 lines to a sonnet so this is a sonnet-like as you state. 5 feet per line, primarily iambic pentameter. Yes you move around some rules but what the heck. You have a nice message and I loved the last line. Perhaps this qualifies more as free verse? Some editing ideas: lose "and" at the beginning of line 2, delete "it's" line 2 second stanza, try "I'm remembering my song" on line 3, line 2 of the 3rd stanza how about "her legs now, I can see are smooth"
As advice is given take it for what it is worth, advice. You have a nice poem here that will only become better with editing.

well i really like your sonnet. However i feel that all of your rhymes are forced and that the rhythm doesn't flow naturally.
otherwise, i loved it.

Well, I'm not sure if I like the ending, lol, time to sin? I do think you have some good ideas going. I'll keep working on my poem too. Thanks for your help on my poem.

Works for me, if only the SUN, and Woman, and inferences.

Quite possibly she is "KUDRA?" Smile

Good on ya.

Steven Wolf