Do you like my poem please be critical?

Question:once upon a dream
i drempt a memory
you and me were chillin there
and you really seemed to care
i'm sleepin on a cloud
and when the rain falls down
i blow the night away
i will remember how it felt that day
when all the clouds were slowly swept away
and when the sun comes up i open up my eyes
and i remember all the dreams i drempt the night before
once upon a dream

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: once upon a dream
i drempt a memory
you and me were chillin there
and you really seemed to care
i'm sleepin on a cloud
and when the rain falls down
i blow the night away
i will remember how it felt that day
when all the clouds were slowly swept away
and when the sun comes up i open up my eyes
and i remember all the dreams i drempt the night before
once upon a dream

I'd delete the 'Once upon a dream' lines.

'Drempt' should be 'dreamt.'

Should be 'You and I'

Find a different word than 'chillin.'

'I open my eyes' - Get rid of 'open up.'

the repetitive "and"s at the beginnings get a little annoying, and i think it would be better if you got rid of the contractions and changed sleepin to sleeping

other than that, i like it

I think its great! Don't change a thing. Your very talented in writing.

its ok but it seems like you were trying to make it rhyme and trying to explain how you feel but you should just put how you feel on paper then work out the lines and stanzas and rhymes after you have the feelings right instead of writing a poem just to write a poem

; : 0 )

I 'm not sure I like it...poems should be more metaphoric....I do not like the word chillin in a poem....too slang...makes you lose touch with the writing.