This is my second poem i wrote in two days, I hope you like it.?

Question:MY WIFE

I first met my wife on a warm sunny day,
I wanted to talk to her but didn't know what to say.
When I started walking to her I was scared to the bone,
She looked so beautiful feeding the birds all alone.
While I was walking I hit something and fell,
What did I hit I dont know all I heard was a bell.
She got up and ran to see if im ok,
All I could do was stare and say hey.
She started to smile and told me her name,
I told her mine but I sounded kind of lame.
We sat there talking all afternoon,
We sat there talking until the full of the moon.
I need to stop this poem cuz its getting to long,
We got married had two kids and that is the end of this song.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: MY WIFE

I first met my wife on a warm sunny day,
I wanted to talk to her but didn't know what to say.
When I started walking to her I was scared to the bone,
She looked so beautiful feeding the birds all alone.
While I was walking I hit something and fell,
What did I hit I dont know all I heard was a bell.
She got up and ran to see if im ok,
All I could do was stare and say hey.
She started to smile and told me her name,
I told her mine but I sounded kind of lame.
We sat there talking all afternoon,
We sat there talking until the full of the moon.
I need to stop this poem cuz its getting to long,
We got married had two kids and that is the end of this song.

wow thats so good! i even got a little mental picture in my head! ur wife will love it! i know i did!!

good poem

It's interesting 6/10

nice

day and say?? my first grade cousin is more creative then that lol

awwww

Aww blz thts so sweet.
Gr8 poem m8
its not lame like all the rest ive heard. (:

wow!!!
that is a great poem!u are very talented:)

good poem

cute

it's good...

its good

Keep writing and be sure to keep all the poems you write in a notebook so you can look back at all your work. Have fun with it!

wow!!! i really got into the poem...like i cud picture wat was happeneing...great!!!!!!!!!!!

no you stretch the meaning way too much just to make it rhyme.

I see two corrections...... nothing big...
1.She got up and ran to see if I was okay
2.We got married, I didn't go wrong.

Since it's a poem not a song.
otherwise GREAT!! keep up the good work.

it seems like your lines don't flow, you care more about rhyming than the words themselves. i'm assuming, you're just starting so it's pretty good.

tat is so lovely!!1 u r a good at making cutie and loving poems!!!!! hope tat u show it 2 ur wife she will think tat is iz so romantic!!!!!! good job!!!! =) =) =) <3 <3 <3

Oh My!! UMMMM.......the one bell line is horrid...no offense!!

It's somewhat sweet but I would consider changing a few lines and not try to hard to rhyme because then you substitute words that do not make all that much sense or flow so well.

nice. It has rythym and symetry. I can almost see you falling down. I would give it a 7/10 beause the last part although It ties things together it kinda broke the poem dowm. I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to follow my advice cuz I don't really know much about English poems (we speak spanish here) but in spanish everything goes symetrically and when something doesn't fit with the line before we look for an alternative. I enjoyed it very much keep working. Its nice and sweet.

Good for a beginner.

its great just let me tell you these two things:

she got up and ran to see if i was ok
but all i could do was stare and say hey

but i love it

It's good! 7/10