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Position:Home>Poetry> The draft/finished poem. What do you think?Question:Many Hearts are torn sometimes I try so hard to help end the end is left a cold kid broken hearted The time of the past The ever ending stand to life or love The ever ending stand to life or love That love tears-off all life making adults cry like kids kids all over with a broken heart Kids all over with broken heart Broken hearts with a thousand wounds wounds unhealed and unhealable Wounds unhealed and unhealable Making life harder to go on and live Making life harder to go on and live --------------------------------------... This one I finished since I can't seem to sleep at night. Always think of poetry as got me up now. Anyways please tell me what you think of this before and after and daring. Love to hear what you have to say. Thank you to all that has been keeping up with my poetry and would love to hear what you have to say. I'm posting another poem after this. Have a good day, Silent Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Many Hearts are torn sometimes I try so hard to help end the end is left a cold kid broken hearted The time of the past The ever ending stand to life or love The ever ending stand to life or love That love tears-off all life making adults cry like kids kids all over with a broken heart Kids all over with broken heart Broken hearts with a thousand wounds wounds unhealed and unhealable Wounds unhealed and unhealable Making life harder to go on and live Making life harder to go on and live --------------------------------------... This one I finished since I can't seem to sleep at night. Always think of poetry as got me up now. Anyways please tell me what you think of this before and after and daring. Love to hear what you have to say. Thank you to all that has been keeping up with my poetry and would love to hear what you have to say. I'm posting another poem after this. Have a good day, Silent The form of the poem is intriguing, narrowing down th the last line, which gives it great emphasis. Maybe it would have even more punch if you used "making life impossible to go on and live" for the last line- just change it ever so slightly. It is a tragic poem that evoked heartfelt emotion in me, especially the third stanza. Great work. Thank you. It's VERY hard to read, is English your first language? |