Free Verse? No Verse? Comments?

Question:The Farmer

With furrowed brow and farmer's tan
he struggled for a dream
what he wanted no man knew
what he needed they all felt too

Through changing seasons and weather woes
he labored long and watched the cycles
from seedlings small to golden grain
his world spoke in metronome

The sons and daughter also grew
although the growth seemed so erratic
time be the keeper and for some it's short
so too were two called home

Just as greens are replaced by golden hues
so his age chimed a slower chord
although the gait does slow and rocker calls
the need never leaves

The need to be a part yet create
to bring life to fertile loams
to reap subtle gifts that God has given
to be a man that earned his keep

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The Farmer

With furrowed brow and farmer's tan
he struggled for a dream
what he wanted no man knew
what he needed they all felt too

Through changing seasons and weather woes
he labored long and watched the cycles
from seedlings small to golden grain
his world spoke in metronome

The sons and daughter also grew
although the growth seemed so erratic
time be the keeper and for some it's short
so too were two called home

Just as greens are replaced by golden hues
so his age chimed a slower chord
although the gait does slow and rocker calls
the need never leaves

The need to be a part yet create
to bring life to fertile loams
to reap subtle gifts that God has given
to be a man that earned his keep

A fine picture of a man in touch with the land, but I think you may want to change line breaks up, make it look less like it should have a regular rhyme scheme. I found myself looking for it my first read through, and missing many of the finely-drawn images you have in this poem. On second read, I found I was pulling the lines apart, forming them into my own structure and the poem came through much more clearly.

This is just a suggestion, perhaps you were looking to force me to do exactly what I described above, in which case....

Anywho, liked the imagery of this poem, was in tune with the natural cycles we all are chained to, though few acknowledge beyond the next scheduled day off from the office.

I like the last frame of the poem...the earlier frames are slightly fragmented...yet it is a nice poem.

i like it. maybe you should add in a consistant rhyming shceme. but thats only a thought. its quite good the way it is. and has a very original subject matter. :D

It made me think: Though we may get old, we never lose the desire to contribute.

This flowed in it's own way in it's own day. Unique & contributive. ~smile~