Another Poem...Please tell the effects...not looking for technical critique?

Question:Angelo

Latin Beat
City Streets
The Sweltering Heat
Scratchy
Like an old wool blanket
On a over warm night
His Latin Lover Head
Between my thighs
He needs a shave
And I need to go
As
Through the window
I hear
The whistles
Of the men
As they lean on the sills
Yelling
"Hey Girl"
To the Every mans girls
Who frequent the Boulevard
Marjorie Patricia Jablonski

Copyright ?2008 Marjorie Patricia Jablonski

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Angelo

Latin Beat
City Streets
The Sweltering Heat
Scratchy
Like an old wool blanket
On a over warm night
His Latin Lover Head
Between my thighs
He needs a shave
And I need to go
As
Through the window
I hear
The whistles
Of the men
As they lean on the sills
Yelling
"Hey Girl"
To the Every mans girls
Who frequent the Boulevard
Marjorie Patricia Jablonski

Copyright ?2008 Marjorie Patricia Jablonski

Shorn of analysis, I end up with this effective understanding:

"I'm uncomfortable, and not in the mood. It's muggy, noisy and distracting outside--and I gotta pee. Angelo's not doin' it for me anymore, and I know I can find another, maybe better, right away."

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I ruthlessly stifled my technical demon's urge to analyze and report, to fill my deep need to give all the critical details. Can I get a TU for that restraint?

i though it was pretty good.
i felt like the person in the poem was sad.
unhappy. with her surroundings and what was happening now.
maybe she even wants a change.

Latin Beats/streets/SCRATCHY??? sheesh all sweaty don't mix metaphors just because they rhyme...I can't believe you even thought that resonated....whatever. If you feel uncomfortable in the scene you are trying to evoke...well then describe that...don't be goofy acting like scratchy wool even belongs in the scene...I don't even think you tried on this one.