Kosovo, eight years ago, A true story in poetic form....How is it? Any advice wi

Question:The name of the land I didn't know
No matter, it was time for the show.
"How long are we stuck on this plane?"
"Four hours, and I'm already in pain."
Without warning, opened the airplane doors.
The noise was louder than breaking shores.
We obeyed the silent commands,
Knowing what to do, static line in hand.
Out of the doors we flew, a bullet from a gun
And met with cold air silence, no sign of the sun.
We hit the ground, deep mud and snow,
Loaded our weapons, people yelling, "let's go!
We patrolled this land, looking for a fight.
Village to village, bad guys, not a sight.
Not a country at all I soon learned
But a state in shambles ready to burn.
Kosovo was the name, Kosova if you will.
We halted our march, nothing to kill,
The sign! Skull and Crossbones, an invisible wall.
Nature was calling, no time to stall,
We stepped to the wall, and let it hang free
Swaying our hips, a bet with money
To the winner who could hit the first mine.
Disappointed, we kept our money, and got back in line.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The name of the land I didn't know
No matter, it was time for the show.
"How long are we stuck on this plane?"
"Four hours, and I'm already in pain."
Without warning, opened the airplane doors.
The noise was louder than breaking shores.
We obeyed the silent commands,
Knowing what to do, static line in hand.
Out of the doors we flew, a bullet from a gun
And met with cold air silence, no sign of the sun.
We hit the ground, deep mud and snow,
Loaded our weapons, people yelling, "let's go!
We patrolled this land, looking for a fight.
Village to village, bad guys, not a sight.
Not a country at all I soon learned
But a state in shambles ready to burn.
Kosovo was the name, Kosova if you will.
We halted our march, nothing to kill,
The sign! Skull and Crossbones, an invisible wall.
Nature was calling, no time to stall,
We stepped to the wall, and let it hang free
Swaying our hips, a bet with money
To the winner who could hit the first mine.
Disappointed, we kept our money, and got back in line.

mate well, its alrite i suppose but my brain almost shut down as soon as i saw the rhymes. i really just dont like poems that rhyme. like, you clearly went quite out of your way to make things rhyme when if you didnt, it coulda been so much better!
twas good overall thoe. 6.5/10

Very Nice .... The words of a man who thirst for freedom

and realistic think too !

Very good poem. You painted a story in poetic form, and I was moved. I admire rhyme.

I am a poet, but do not feel qualified, nor want to be qualified, to critique a piece technically. It's suffocating to do so - both for the poet and critic - imho.