Constructive comments welcomed. What do you think of my new poem?

Question:No Pretense

O sweet god, let me have my glass of wine,
some peace and quiet and down time
please don’t shatter this with somebody’s troubles
right now, i really don’t give a crap.

Nobody cares about what it’s like to be me;
probably drive them nuts if they did.
Don’t we all pretend to care more than we actually do;
the little daylight denials are easier than the raw truth.
Frankly, it’s hard to be much into other people when you’re
working your *** off to get a little something for yourself.

I’ve never been much of a pal or buddy or party friend, and
it’s been a damned hard day, finally come to an end.
Haven’t a clue what other lives are all about,
where they get the energy to go out and play
because i’m tired,
i’m beat,
i’m completely off my feet
and all i really want is to crash today
so please, world, just go away.

ah-h-h-h-h-h sweet release . . . . . .
my sweet, sweet wine time.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: No Pretense

O sweet god, let me have my glass of wine,
some peace and quiet and down time
please don’t shatter this with somebody’s troubles
right now, i really don’t give a crap.

Nobody cares about what it’s like to be me;
probably drive them nuts if they did.
Don’t we all pretend to care more than we actually do;
the little daylight denials are easier than the raw truth.
Frankly, it’s hard to be much into other people when you’re
working your *** off to get a little something for yourself.

I’ve never been much of a pal or buddy or party friend, and
it’s been a damned hard day, finally come to an end.
Haven’t a clue what other lives are all about,
where they get the energy to go out and play
because i’m tired,
i’m beat,
i’m completely off my feet
and all i really want is to crash today
so please, world, just go away.

ah-h-h-h-h-h sweet release . . . . . .
my sweet, sweet wine time.

how about
Please don't shatter this with somebody else's troubles
I have enough of my own, in fact, it feels like double

Otherwise i wouldn't change a thing

Are you whining? I'm sorry, just kidding. I think your poem is really good. I feel like this a lot. But I can't drink so I just have a glass of tea. Keep on writing.

It's great, but I noticed a little typo. The last line should read, "sweet whine time".

that is amazing and inspiring. hey, i gt a poesm due at school u mind if i use it and tweak thebad words for my L.A teacher?

It's honest and real, but it doesn't flow. The slang words overlap simplistic natural flow of emotion. but I think most people can relate to the feeling.

Ahhhh, sweet wine time or whine time it matters not. I know exactly how you feel. Only, I'll have a Bloody Mary please or a little Cap'n in me ;) It was probably just a relief to get that off your chest. I enjoyed it very much.

So, you stole my lament! Hopefully you left some wine! Well said.