Another attempt at haiku, what do you think?

Question:Great majestic oak
stands beside lazy river;
Field, humbled, surrounds.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Great majestic oak
stands beside lazy river;
Field, humbled, surrounds.

I have to admit, it's getting better.

A little better all the time,
(it can't get no worse)

Only kidding, this is good. You've got to grips with the form, now it's up to you what you do with it.

If I was going to make suggestions, I would say that you don't need both great and majestic. If I was going to be very critical, in a sense this compliments you, I would say that the most effective haikus for me are the ones that incorporate some kind of movement. I can't remember how it goes so I won't try to quote but there is a haiku, I believe it's a Japanese one, in which someone walks around a pond whilst looking at the sky; the action of walking around the pond illuminates the whole image for the reader, makes it very 'real'.

I liked this one though, you're always improving. If you keep going with this, I think you could come up with something truly great someday.

Sounds great, keep up the great work!

cool, man!

OMG that is so cool. You are really talented.
It follows the style, form and structure of a traditional Haiku perfectly.

Keep it up!

From a Literature student in one of Singapore's elite schools:)

Here's one to you:)

Heartwarming, perfect
A talent to be nurtured
Practice makes perfect

Very good. How does that song go...
High Ku, Low Ku, No Ku's just fine for me?

I like it! Great job! I was never any good at Haiku- I think I'm just too wordy! :)