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Position:Home>Poetry> Can you give me your opinion about this poem i wrote?Question:Countdown Fifteen ideas left unsaid Fourteen truths rotten and corrupted Thirteen dreams now long dead Twelve visions vague and disrupted Eleven thoughts now broken Ten nightmares made a reality Nine aggressions have been spoken Eight minds lost to insanity Seven emotions thrown into abyss Six evils roam the psyche Five famines live in bliss Four anger dance with glee Three lies twist and bend Two malevolencies still inside Don’t try to stop it now is the end tell me if it needs improvement Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Countdown Fifteen ideas left unsaid Fourteen truths rotten and corrupted Thirteen dreams now long dead Twelve visions vague and disrupted Eleven thoughts now broken Ten nightmares made a reality Nine aggressions have been spoken Eight minds lost to insanity Seven emotions thrown into abyss Six evils roam the psyche Five famines live in bliss Four anger dance with glee Three lies twist and bend Two malevolencies still inside Don’t try to stop it now is the end tell me if it needs improvement Alright, I think this is an amazing poem and I hope one day I can write something as great as this. However, there are a few things I would change if you don't mind some critiscism. Four anger dance with glee: I really dont understand this line. Were you trying to say Four angers dance with glee? or what? Im just confused. Don’t try to stop it now is the end: I think you should have a more dramatic ending. However, if you really dont want to change it, just do this: Dont try to stop it, NOW is the end Or something similar. I really loved this poem and I think you should publish it or whatever the heck people do with poems. GOOD JOB! Thats All. four angers dance with glee. Just missed an s on the end of anger. Don't try to stop it. Now it's the end! Other then that it's pretty good, unusual even. I like this poem it talks about counting and the different things that are included. I am questioning # 4 though four anger dance with glee I was thinking of 4 angry dancers otherwise it looks good to me. i agree with the others: you've got a typo on the line for 4 (angerS) and as for the ending...if you kep it as it is, put soem punctuation in: Don't try to stop it: now is the end. ; and . would also work but i personally would go for something more like... You have no escape: One moment until the end ...thus completing the countdown. well i agree withthe others but i disagree. i like when you get thrown off. cause it makes you tink if tey reall y did it on purpose or if it maybe was a mistake. it's different. and the world is throwed off so it's kool wit me. Looks like a typical Mexican crappy poem to me. |