I wrote a poem. Deliver Judgment upon it?

Question:A darkened room,
A stool, the walls.
Mesmerized-
Steel
Traces his flesh.

As cold as life,
The hardened world.
Deliberates-
How
Shall I proceed?

Such a cruel joke
The wicked share.
Chained and confined,
I
Suffer alone.

The hard barrel
Prods his temple.
Half crazed clown smile
Slips
Across his face.

LIGHTS OUT!

-swoosh

Comments/ Critiques?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A darkened room,
A stool, the walls.
Mesmerized-
Steel
Traces his flesh.

As cold as life,
The hardened world.
Deliberates-
How
Shall I proceed?

Such a cruel joke
The wicked share.
Chained and confined,
I
Suffer alone.

The hard barrel
Prods his temple.
Half crazed clown smile
Slips
Across his face.

LIGHTS OUT!

-swoosh

Comments/ Critiques?

Excellent but ..

This jumping from first person to third person is a little confusing for an old person who grew up with rules but I get that stress relieves us of the banality of rules when we are about to die.
Your line/s below is analogous, reinforcing every other line/ emotion. This is brilliant and crafty ( like the fox)

"as cold as life ... the hardened world .... deliberates"

I'm into the whole depressing/sad poems. I like it, a lot.

thats really good... you should get it published

Dark, sad and very good. A vivid picture of a choice. I hope people realize that many of us can write dark thought that live in our minds without taking them to heart. It is very hard to express talent in all of it's forms. You do it very well. Good job. Thanks for sharing.

A confined person thinks briefly about his situation and kills himself.
We really do not know the person, so we don't care about his ill defined place. Other than a person, we don't know what kind of person he is, why he has been confined, whether or not he deserves to be where he is.
Who, what, when, where, how and why...the basic description of a character.

Although my poems aren't dark, I do read some from other poets. This one is by far in the top 2 of the ones I have seen. Well done!

Bold, and gruesome. Fantastic and may these words glare like people.

Well, there is no shortage of new talent in the room today. I have seen four people who need to investigate 'poetsofmars.com'

I hate these damn dark poems but I have to admit this is very well done. I enjoyed it....Lights out!

This is a wonderful poem. The tension you build with your imagery is powerful ind intriguing. The last part is frightening and vivid- "a half crazed clown smile" is ghastly (in a remarkably good way) and the ending is graphic. I think you have so much talent. I look forward to your poetry. Thank you.

"LIGHTS OUT?" The guy puts a bullet in his brain, and you say "LIGHTS OUT?" How gruesome! How ghoulish! How hardened! How heartless! "LIGHTS OUT?" How cool.