Commentary on my poem please!!!!?

Question:Feeling Lucky

Man, I hate how I feel
As if its bad luck
Knowing all along, the deal
As if it is something you can steal
Appealing, though it in not at all real
A hearty meal, I would love to seal
Make you feel as if you’re stuck
With you I would dance a reel, if only you would kneel.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Feeling Lucky

Man, I hate how I feel
As if its bad luck
Knowing all along, the deal
As if it is something you can steal
Appealing, though it in not at all real
A hearty meal, I would love to seal
Make you feel as if you’re stuck
With you I would dance a reel, if only you would kneel.

the first word, "man" really weakens the start of the poem - suggest you take it out.

Also, it's better if you start lines and end lines with really strong words, not "as" or "a" or "with"

Think about taking out the As if in the second and 4th lines...but i dunno if it doesnt work for you, leave them in.

Appealing, though it in not at all real
???? makes no sense"it in not at all" ????

I like all the rhyme in there though, really cool.

And I kinda get the title. Like yeah, it's a good title.

It's really different, each sentence is makes you think about the one before. It's great!

Bright and forlorn. It is good. So could you say that I want the points, and sign me an autograph!@