Do you like my new poem, fresh and chilling?

Question:*****
As you climb and rise through thinning air
Your breaths become short staccato gulps
The pain of burning muscles ache
Each step you make takes you higher
Still you climb

The crest is up above the clouds
Past eagle’s nest and edelweiss
A place unseen from those below
Beyond the scope of common eyes
Still you climb

The shrine of legend is golden
Not from ingots lifted to the summit
On the backs of ordinary men
The shine of this temple
Is you climbing…
And you climb

*****

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: *****
As you climb and rise through thinning air
Your breaths become short staccato gulps
The pain of burning muscles ache
Each step you make takes you higher
Still you climb

The crest is up above the clouds
Past eagle’s nest and edelweiss
A place unseen from those below
Beyond the scope of common eyes
Still you climb

The shrine of legend is golden
Not from ingots lifted to the summit
On the backs of ordinary men
The shine of this temple
Is you climbing…
And you climb

*****

Now I understand the Vittany poem.!!!Ha Ha!!

stop climbing
and start rimbing
the air is too thin
gimmie your tobacco tin

Love Lizzy

I am still chillin
In Canada,
I am located at the highest point in Ontario
Brrrrrrrrrrrr.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

doesn't rhyme. i like poems that rhyme

nice a blank verse

It is not my style.

I really like it. The imagery is gripping, and thought-provoking. I like blank verse well done and if it has the right flow to it and this one does. Thanks for sharing.

I was with you every step on this one, my mouth is actually dry! "short staccato gulps", stood out in particular for me, very 'real'.

You have climbed and reached the summit. Still, you don't rest. I admire you so much (and there are few people left in this world whom I admire). The poem itself has magnificent imagery; a video in the mind. Keep climbing, please.

Sounds like the path to righteousness.

I am afraid of heights
but I was up there once or twice
in an aircraft over Mexico City.
twenty six million souls below oblivious to my presence.

Could it be you too are afraid to fly?

or are you a polar opposite? Good work. you made me think... and that is always good work.

Eh, it's good, but it's not my style.

Love the ending. And the beginning and middle - lol. I went along for the climb.

This so reminds me of times spent in the High Sierra. As your inner temple is illuminated through your eyes reflecting the serrated peaks before you, windblown snowdrifts streaming from their sharp spires like red festoons in the setting sun. And you are one.