What do you think of my new poem? Comments and critiques welcomed.?

Question:REFLECTION

That just simply
cannot be
her own reflection
in the mirror
she sees.

How on earth
has she changed so much,
oh surely
it must be the dust.

“I’ll wipe away those lies
you’ll see,” she says,
“there will be
that once youthful me.”

But an old woman’s eyes
can no longer visualize
the girl she used to be
looking back at her today
Perhaps she could,
if she didn’t look back and
just threw the mirror away.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: REFLECTION

That just simply
cannot be
her own reflection
in the mirror
she sees.

How on earth
has she changed so much,
oh surely
it must be the dust.

“I’ll wipe away those lies
you’ll see,” she says,
“there will be
that once youthful me.”

But an old woman’s eyes
can no longer visualize
the girl she used to be
looking back at her today
Perhaps she could,
if she didn’t look back and
just threw the mirror away.

I understand this poem! Good job. I now what you're saying. I don't agree that it's weak. I think it's fine.

love it that you write...but...

eh.

It begins weakly. But it grows and augments in strength with every passing stanza.

My favorite is the last stanza.

It isn't deep- but it is approaching towards it.

Five out of ten points.

i like it. simple and true. could have been written about me :)

Needs a bit of work...BUT very promising.

I do not like the last sentence...Rhythm is off.

Anne

not bad - i sorta like it but i sorta dont at the same time

its good...maybe idk...its okay

i like all of it a lot, except the ending /:...sorry.

i can tell that you have talent, but you're using it in a way that doesn't show it off. You want to rhyme, but haven't been disciplined enough to do so throughout the entire poem. You need to think about structure, so that you can stick to it. E.g - A,B,C,B. (the 2nd and fourth lines rhyme.)

Also, it's good that you got a little specific (the old woman). In poetry (in my opinion) it's better if you're specifics. You can only bash metaphors over peoples head for so long before they get bored with it, you need imagery to go with your point.

Keep writing. If i'm here, i'll read it.

I don't know if its necessary but i think you could show what she sees in the mirror. (or maybe that's what you want and let the readers think)

but all in all it has given me a harsh realization through vanity.

This could pass as a nursery rhyme if it rhymed; not sure if its suitable for children though... ^_^

nice.

Perhaps, instead of throwing away the mirror she should see the inner beauty and wisdom that she has acquired with all those wonderful wrinkles, no longer is she a damsel in distress.

excellent man keep it up..

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "I earned every wrinkle on my face." The "girl she used to be" may have had smooth skin, but her life was also smooth. There's something to be said for age and wisdom. (And there's always Retin-A and cosmetic surgery).