New poem... ~ what do you think? please read?

Question:im 13... i write alot of poems. my friends say i'm good. i'm afraid to show my parents, what do you think of this one i wrote it in 10 min.

my heart is bleading. But, it keeps on beating. I try to scream, no sound comes! Thinking of him, what have i done? Tears fall like rain, I can't cadge this pain. I fall to the ground, but no ones around, I scream his name, still no sound.
Try to face this pain, but its too sivere. I lye here all alone.
I don't want to face the world, no noe understands my tears hurt too. Why can't they see my heart it's all broken, cut, and black and blue. They say i'm too young, to fell this pain. i need to forget him and have fun. Why don't they see that to me, he was the one?? so i get up, cry inside, face the world and swallow my pride.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: im 13... i write alot of poems. my friends say i'm good. i'm afraid to show my parents, what do you think of this one i wrote it in 10 min.

my heart is bleading. But, it keeps on beating. I try to scream, no sound comes! Thinking of him, what have i done? Tears fall like rain, I can't cadge this pain. I fall to the ground, but no ones around, I scream his name, still no sound.
Try to face this pain, but its too sivere. I lye here all alone.
I don't want to face the world, no noe understands my tears hurt too. Why can't they see my heart it's all broken, cut, and black and blue. They say i'm too young, to fell this pain. i need to forget him and have fun. Why don't they see that to me, he was the one?? so i get up, cry inside, face the world and swallow my pride.

omg wow.
that is good (:
you write better poems than i do.
and i got alot of my friends started with making poems.
and i still suckk.
try making varities of poems.
and idk maybe you will get noticed for them
when you write them.
think positivee.
and think of the future about doing what you like.
(just a little side note to go with it ^^)

Hey, there's a typo on the first sentence. I don't think that this can be considered a poem at all because of the form. Poems are supposed to be in stanzas, not sentences. What you did is a paragraph. Also, please, follow correct punctuation marks. One question mark will do. Try to "hide" your message from the readers using poetic devices. Don't just expose your message to the readers. Let them discover what you have to say.