A first effort for Saturday. Does it work.?

Question:"rust and decay"

I woke from my sleep, a gray rusty day,
All i could feel was it's my day to die.
Pain and torment is that all I can feel,
Tommorrow for me is just not meant to be.

As I stand naked, dripping wet from my shower,
Concepts too deep to try and even grasp.
Fresh from a shave and my tiny breakfast,
My guardian angel, trying so hard to see.

I am the one to choose when I will die,
Life does not come with a great guarantee.
As much as you'd like, my choices are mine,
All I can see is dark pain and mortal misery.

I know that it's time, I had more than enough,
Eternity as preached is just one more lie.
Come celebrate the damned, it's final embrace,
I welcome my death, soft warm and at peace.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "rust and decay"

I woke from my sleep, a gray rusty day,
All i could feel was it's my day to die.
Pain and torment is that all I can feel,
Tommorrow for me is just not meant to be.

As I stand naked, dripping wet from my shower,
Concepts too deep to try and even grasp.
Fresh from a shave and my tiny breakfast,
My guardian angel, trying so hard to see.

I am the one to choose when I will die,
Life does not come with a great guarantee.
As much as you'd like, my choices are mine,
All I can see is dark pain and mortal misery.

I know that it's time, I had more than enough,
Eternity as preached is just one more lie.
Come celebrate the damned, it's final embrace,
I welcome my death, soft warm and at peace.

You seem to see death as something comfortable. Is not bad but it need some changes. Maybe is me that I'm not into that world of poetry, not into the Allan Poe world. Also you seem like a miserable person. But misery can be put into words too. So far I'll keep reading your work to understand what is the main reason of all of this painful writing.

Keep writing, Dark Master Steve.

I think it's pretty good.
Could be cleaned up a bit.
Nice work:)

I'm not a big fan of what I'm about to say, but it feels like it needs to rhyme. It feels off with the meter and not having it rhyme but then again it does add to the tone of the whole poem.

It not being quite right and your poem's dark message.

Are you sure you've had enough of life? Maybe you've only had enough of what you've experienced? I hope your poem is more pseudo empathic then a suicide letter. I've seen some of your work and you are way too talented.

As a poem good work......think positively and write some thing cheer full

It seems a bit too "telly" right now.

This is interesting...i kinda like it...but I don't like it as much as the one from yesterday...."sorry" yup....i really like that one...
~Hara Kantana

Yep, works for me.

Well it reminds me of a scene in an old western when the hero rides off into the sunset after he has won the battle and came out of it alive once again, although he has said the words "It's my day to die", once again. He now has to face his own demons. Nice work. Thanks