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Position:Home>Poetry> Another poem from me... haven't done one in a while... how did I go...?Question:The Forest: *ahem, ahem, ahem* The glittering, dancing, shining water Tumbles down to the pool below The sunlight sparkles off the moving falls Which will forever dance and shine and glow Beyond the waterfall is a hidden cave Deep inside the ground The cave sits there, quietly waiting Until the day it will be found There is a clearing in the forest A little way further in The bright green grass reaches for the sky Waiting for the rain to begin A brisk wind rises and swirls around Sweeping leaves and dust along Overhead, in the whispering trees The birds sing their morning song This wild word beyond my grasp Calls me to come and enjoy Before the other humans come With one word in mind – 'Destroy' What did you think? Any comments, suggestions, opinions? Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The Forest: *ahem, ahem, ahem* The glittering, dancing, shining water Tumbles down to the pool below The sunlight sparkles off the moving falls Which will forever dance and shine and glow Beyond the waterfall is a hidden cave Deep inside the ground The cave sits there, quietly waiting Until the day it will be found There is a clearing in the forest A little way further in The bright green grass reaches for the sky Waiting for the rain to begin A brisk wind rises and swirls around Sweeping leaves and dust along Overhead, in the whispering trees The birds sing their morning song This wild word beyond my grasp Calls me to come and enjoy Before the other humans come With one word in mind – 'Destroy' What did you think? Any comments, suggestions, opinions? Hey, I like it!!! I like when you talked about the cave waiting for someone to discover it, and the grass waiting for the rain. It's like the calm before a storm, which is always beautiful. The only complaint I have is that some of your lines are lacking certain syllables and emphasis. Try reading it aloud while tapping on something. Or reading it to a metronome, if you're that fancy! =] All in all, very nice! I really liked the begingin and the words flowed really good, but the end was a bit jumpy and may need to be worded a bit differently. Overall i like it though. super nice i like it. Like a superb free flowing green poem. I think it's a fantastic piece, and also terribly cruel, that love too can die, and so gruesome. I likes it alot I do agree that you could do a little revisions on it but just to tweek it good job two thumbs up!!!! Woh.. nice poem.. really cool.. Good work.. |