Like my poem????????

Question:My life is my canvas
my emotions are my paint
my heart is my paintbrush
my actions cause me taint

When my masterpiece goes wrong
my heart steps aside
and my brain becomes strong
a scrape off my canvas
and put my emotions back where they belong

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: My life is my canvas
my emotions are my paint
my heart is my paintbrush
my actions cause me taint

When my masterpiece goes wrong
my heart steps aside
and my brain becomes strong
a scrape off my canvas
and put my emotions back where they belong

It is great! I would have also liked it if you said everything starting with 'my'. But it sounds awsome the way it is too!
Ex... my masterpiece goes wrong
my heart steps aside
my brain becomes strong
my emotions go back where they belong

That is only a suggestion, dont take it wrong, okay. But the first has 4 lines and so does the second this way. Although i had to cut the canvas line. So it really good how it is!!!

good

that poem is really good =]

wow thats nice (^_^)

oh i like it!!! :)

its really good!!

amazing!!

terrible.

no.

nice

Yeah it's pretty good! Clever!

Good stuff! Sorta reminiscent of my work.

kwl

wow, thats really good :)

not really. its all the same as any of the other emo poems i see ppl asking to be rated. its juvenille and boring.

wow its so good luv it

thats really neat but i hate poems....lol
Avril

yes!!!!
i LOVE it!
?

Try writing for yourself, not for anyone else. Usually the end result is actually better.

yea it is good I like it

that is awesome keep up the good work you sould become a poet

And i swear
if i could take your pain and frame it
and hang it on my wall,
maybe you would never have to hurt it all.
painting pictures in red and blue.
a portrait bruise just like you

Hide it, and far in the future leave it to your children with instructions it be read at your funeral while the Flashdance song is playing. Everyone will cry their eyes out.

Can i steal it?

Ha!

the third line doesn't flow quite as nicely as everything else, but overall a very nice piece. I would reccommend entering it in a writers contest, or reading it at a poetry night at a local cafe (who DOES NT like that as an idea?)

i liked it

It shows your inner self it is a strong message for those who may be timid in their trying ~~

I think it's pretty good.
Nice work:)

No it sucks.

on the 3rd like dont say paintbrush just say brush, in poems you dont want to use the same word more then once. I think that you should use something other then your heart as a paintbrush, because people cant see what goes on in your heart, because you can always put on a strong face, so use something more visual for that part. and instead of calling your life a canvas you should call it a work of art, because a canvas is just a piece of fancy fabric, but a work of art is something that is happening changing until it is finished, and yet it is still not perfect. and try really hard not to rhyme because rhyming sounds really...elementary, because you know how in kindergarten (or when ever it was that you started to learn about how to write poems) they always rhymed, because it is easy for the mind to come up with rhymes, but to come up with something that doesn't rhyme is actually more powerful. and i know that i said not to use the same word more then once in a poem, well in this kind of poem i think that you should finish it with the introductory line.

I hope i helped!

It's pretty good i have only afew critisms.

first off, the last line of the first stanza is a little to different from the other ones in the stanza. i think it would also sound better without the my's in the second line and in the first line replace it with a.

The last stanza was lacking any rhythm and sounded all over the place. it would sound better if you had it like this

line1: 7 syllables
line2: 5 syllables
line3: 5 syllables
line4: 7 syllables

that's just my opinion.

good luck with your future poetry, and happy writing,

Eden

I Like it but it's sad