My poem.. what do u think?

Question:every morning i wake up, my first thought is you. so i get ready and go to school.
i walk in , your talking to my friends. when i walk in why dose your conversation have to end? you walk away, i sit down. my friends say hey, i just frown.
i look at you, our eyes meet. for one moment in time i'm complete. my eyes are filled with love. your's with hate.i ask myself why it has to be this way?
so, i walk to my locker and i smile at you. i see you smile too. but, then isee her, it's not me.
so i turn away and walk down the hall. as tears form behind my eyes, another little pice of my heart dies.
i walk into class, look around. no one see's me dieing. my heart breaks without a sound.

what do u think? what should i call it. it is about my 1st boyfriend. im 13 still trying to get over him writeingpoems helps.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: every morning i wake up, my first thought is you. so i get ready and go to school.
i walk in , your talking to my friends. when i walk in why dose your conversation have to end? you walk away, i sit down. my friends say hey, i just frown.
i look at you, our eyes meet. for one moment in time i'm complete. my eyes are filled with love. your's with hate.i ask myself why it has to be this way?
so, i walk to my locker and i smile at you. i see you smile too. but, then isee her, it's not me.
so i turn away and walk down the hall. as tears form behind my eyes, another little pice of my heart dies.
i walk into class, look around. no one see's me dieing. my heart breaks without a sound.

what do u think? what should i call it. it is about my 1st boyfriend. im 13 still trying to get over him writeingpoems helps.

i think that ur poem waz great i really liked it u should write more

ps.pick me as BEST ANSWER BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE THIS POEM

the flow isnt that bad just it doesnt roll of the tongue like this

Life is nothing but a drag, a mad stare
dont you dare turn away, im tyring to say
im in love with the guy, the guy of my dreams
just let me rest to be as my best

i came up with that in like 5 secs as a example but hopefully it helps.

i use poetry to write out my feelings too so i know were ur coming from.

Try to lighten up you have got a long way to go. Let the words work for you. Jealousy and unrequited love, tears and rejection are unexplored and as you understand more about others you will be able to understand more about these feelings. Keep writing about things you know and believe in

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