How awful is this poem?

Question:Widow

Modest, young widow,
Attempting to hide your pain.
Offering guests a half-hearted smile
And putting on a flawed “happy act”.

I see beyond your disguise
And see you don't' seek sympathy.
How brave you are to endure such pain
in a loss as agonizing as yours.

You must have been awake for nights,
Shedding tears in isolation;
Mourning in a black cloak,
Under a dark cloud of grief.

You caressed photos of your beloved,
Trying to recreate his presence;
Looking out to the empty yard,
And hoping for his return.

Tears have added years to your age,
And burned your skin like acid.
The glow in your face has vanished—
your appearance in complete disarray.

There’s no use of hiding, widow,
For your face tells a story of its own,
And I can’t help but offer sympathy to you
For suffering from your beloved’s demise.

______________
I know that the poem is all over the place. Could you help me to make it more cogent?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Widow

Modest, young widow,
Attempting to hide your pain.
Offering guests a half-hearted smile
And putting on a flawed “happy act”.

I see beyond your disguise
And see you don't' seek sympathy.
How brave you are to endure such pain
in a loss as agonizing as yours.

You must have been awake for nights,
Shedding tears in isolation;
Mourning in a black cloak,
Under a dark cloud of grief.

You caressed photos of your beloved,
Trying to recreate his presence;
Looking out to the empty yard,
And hoping for his return.

Tears have added years to your age,
And burned your skin like acid.
The glow in your face has vanished—
your appearance in complete disarray.

There’s no use of hiding, widow,
For your face tells a story of its own,
And I can’t help but offer sympathy to you
For suffering from your beloved’s demise.

______________
I know that the poem is all over the place. Could you help me to make it more cogent?

You say "I see beyond your disguise And see you don't seek sympathy," but in the end you say "And I can’t help but offer sympathy to you." So this person is offering sympathy even though they know she doesn't want it? It seems like the narrator can tell what she really wants besides sympathy... but in the end it says they give her sympathy anyhow?

The poem really isn't all over the place, I like it. : ]
The word acid is pretty harsh, though. Try replacing that to fit the tone more.

But please don't take my word too seriously. That's just my opinion. Every writer is different and has their own style. Nice work.

oooooooo....... I don't know what to say. It's not that "all over the place" It sounds pretty good to me!

Dear Sandcast

Let us first refer to your work as prose rather than a poem. As such it is a good write. You have captured the feelings of the widow beautifully, also of your own understand of her feelings as though you have gone through them yourself. I would certainly like to read more of your work.

Congratulations

Robert Harrison

Wow this is a great poem and i think you have did it really good .I think your stanza's are good and i say Bravo for this heartfelt poem...Keep writing as your great.

I liked the poem, I don't think that it's all over the place, there are some words that you use that just doesn't fit though try using smaller words, I liked it a lot though it was really good. Really really good. :D