A poem to the one I lost. Will you give me some input?

Question:Worth Seeing You

Will you see me
as I know you?
Will you see you?
I wish you could see
what has taken over me
It’s in the mirror
If you would only look
And stop hiding
Self lying
Don’t put yourself
down
You’re what’s taken
over me
your worth it all!

I am not sure how I am doing on poetry but I am starting to like writing it more. Before it was hard to keep it up now I find myself doing it all the time. I do not have many good poems that I like but this one, I thought, may be okay. I want to know how to improve it and become a better poet.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Worth Seeing You

Will you see me
as I know you?
Will you see you?
I wish you could see
what has taken over me
It’s in the mirror
If you would only look
And stop hiding
Self lying
Don’t put yourself
down
You’re what’s taken
over me
your worth it all!

I am not sure how I am doing on poetry but I am starting to like writing it more. Before it was hard to keep it up now I find myself doing it all the time. I do not have many good poems that I like but this one, I thought, may be okay. I want to know how to improve it and become a better poet.

There are a few nuggets here that reveal some talent. The only way to improve is to keep on writing. Try doing one on another subject entirely. If you want to use poetry as a catharsis or a resolution of a romantic experience, this is okay as far as it goes. If you want to practice the craft, expand your horizons. You've got the makings.

It's good.
It could use some rhythm or pattern though.

You use the word "see" a little much. If you could find other words to explain the same things and still fit in the rhythmic beat then you will be doing great and learning much. One of the most difficult parts with poetry is the rhythm and finding the most effective words. With me, I always wonder, 'did I do that in the most effective way I could?' You are doing better and better so keep it up.

Forget what the other person above said all poems don't ryhme and it is really good.

This is a poem done in child's play. I am not meaning to be cruel but I have studied Poetry for a long while and this is showing, though some promise, many signs of you needing to learn much more. Pleas, I do believe you have it in you to excel but by this one poem, you haven't got it yet.

the poem is good the message clear.
you need to work on cadence and flow.
read it aloud and ask if it flows
a poem like this does not want to drip drip drip
like blood letting
but flow or simply fill like tears welling in the eyes or falling over a face.
The "self lying "phrase may be too confrontational for the overall feeling of the poem. You could write another to address this idea.
and I would remove the third line "Will you see you" this too could be the first line of another poem

something like this.

Will you see you in my eyes
the you who consumes my days
produces dreams and sighs
in the night ?

help any?

You are still advancing, I must say. Do not listen to Lylac, she's a B*tch Queen of all the others. Trust me, I know.

This is good, actually. The imagery is different and you've made me look at mirrors differently. I would put a comma after "And stop hiding,/self lying." It creates a pause that makes the words more distinct and therefore more meaningful/enigmatic. Good effort, just try not to focus to hard on this breakup. The poetry coming from it is wonderful now, but soon it will become insipid to your readers, if you keep focusing on the same thing. However, use that emotion to channel inspiration on to new topics. Poetry is a versatile world, friend, welcome.