I seek critique. Will you offer yours?

Question:Another Tarot Poem, one of my favorite cards

STRENGTH

The whisper
that fells a king.
The touch
that breaks
a warrior.
The simple waltz,
that turns the world,
a smile
that dazzles the gods.
A peaceful look
that calms a storm,
and a child
binding the cobra
with a sing.

There is nothing
so strong
as gentleness,
and nothing
so gentle
as true strength.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Another Tarot Poem, one of my favorite cards

STRENGTH

The whisper
that fells a king.
The touch
that breaks
a warrior.
The simple waltz,
that turns the world,
a smile
that dazzles the gods.
A peaceful look
that calms a storm,
and a child
binding the cobra
with a sing.

There is nothing
so strong
as gentleness,
and nothing
so gentle
as true strength.

And there is nothing so lovely as a truly beautiful poem. This poem leaves me in awe of your talent. There is so much universal truth in your work that one does not even have to know the Tarot to appreciate the cards you write about. The images in this one are breathtaking, with the second stanza defining the first. I really love this one. Thank you.

I got chill bumps as I read that... It's pretty good but as I read it I feel like it's not making any sense... Maybe it's because I don't know anything about, "Tarot Poems" ...But if a poem gives me the chills then I know it's good.

Wow! I think that's really great. The poem itself is powerful in it's subtlety - how perfect!
Nice work.

Ah, if only I could have such strength, but alas I am doomed to building paper houses with hammers, bulldozing highways through serene paths in my mind.

{binding the cobra with a sing?}

spell binding

The words are well picked,
But thou requirest a strict',
For though you've honored the hardened king
Do not forget meaning in the words to string.

So simple such, remainest thus
That is not what be my fuss
For lo, a Great Poem this be to my ears
Bringing my mind's bound'ries to tears.

So brought thou hast the true meaning of strength
And defined its gentle spirit and soul at length.
Whats to critique, the length at heart?
But no; a Tarot Poem is of the sort.

So yes, be it true,
I congratulate you,
On a poem sweet by the short,
But there is a poem that shall you thwart.

For if you lay just another brick,
And paste a mix so that it stick,
You'd have a poem that endures
Farther than an ocean's shores.

--------------------

What I said:

This poem has a very simple meaning to it, and sounds great because of the choice of words that are equally easy on the ears. So as you do write a great Tarot, you must remember that Tarot Poems are very easy to make, nonetheless hard to come up with. If you could pop one of these out every day, then yeah, you have lots of talent.
So yes, congratulations on a well thought up poem, but I feel that should it just be one stanza longer, with just one or two more analogies, it would give the person more time to realize what the poem is about, before you actually just tell them at the end.

That I like..I'm sorry I can't say more..I've been sitting too long and it has compromised my brain capacity..as you can tell since that didn't make sense...But i can think enough to tell you that it is good

I enjoyed your poem. I think it is really good. I think it flows very nicely except for the binding the cobra with a sing? should that be song?.

wow E! another perfect picture...
you are a most special thinker and unique writer.

I thought it was meant to be "Sting" and was going to comment on how I thought it was very inventive and that I really liked that part but... oh well.

I got into this one and (pleas don't shoot me) given the circumstances around me when I am on the computer I usually have a heard time falling into your words... this time I did.

Thank you for creating a temporary escape for the day!