My (dark) Poem - Forest Screams. tell me what you think??

Question:Can you feel my breath upon your neck
The shiver down your spine

You dont know the way i never rest
Just to make you mine

Can you feel my eyes follow you
As you drift around the trees

A grey forest, filled with so much hate
You dont do just what you please

So let me show you to the graveyard dear
And let me show you to your grave

One last breath and one last tear
And feel the knifes cold blade

Dont Worry dear, your no longer alone
But you will never be the same

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Can you feel my breath upon your neck
The shiver down your spine

You dont know the way i never rest
Just to make you mine

Can you feel my eyes follow you
As you drift around the trees

A grey forest, filled with so much hate
You dont do just what you please

So let me show you to the graveyard dear
And let me show you to your grave

One last breath and one last tear
And feel the knifes cold blade

Dont Worry dear, your no longer alone
But you will never be the same

Whoa what a great and dark poem' and i absolutely loved it.You really did a great job putting us in the forest with the person and it was quite creepy.Keep writing as your really good.

Absolutely beautiful, even though it is quite despondent.

I like your poem,b/c I can picture what your saying in my head. It is definetly dark.

Amazing!!!! I LOVE dark poems! It's mostly what I write. I really love woods/trees/forest too so it just adds to it more! Keep up the good work. The only thing I see that I might change is that you have 'spine' rhyming with 'mine', 'trees' with 'please' and 'grave' sorta with 'blade', but then 'same' is left alone....since you started out being even (first two rhyming the second two) it will flow better if you continue that. Be besides that it kicks butt! Congrats on writing an awesome piece of poetry!

WOW I loved it I give you a 10...GOD BLESS

whoa that was deep and scary. it sounded like a stalker in the couple of lines but it was so cool. do you usually write things like this b/c if you do damn.

Very Dark pretty cool