Give me your input on this poem?

Question:I hide secrets deep below my flesh
I CRAVE the PAIN
Hope just burys itself accepting death
Belief in me drips out my pours
Smiles slither out the door
Hate throws the keys into a mess
Pressure grows inside my head
Apathy works on a all day shift
loveme and hateme fight over my breaths
Wishes always blueprint my grave
Pain digs my hole night and day
Dreams give breath to all my hope
Emotions welcome all my guest.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I hide secrets deep below my flesh
I CRAVE the PAIN
Hope just burys itself accepting death
Belief in me drips out my pours
Smiles slither out the door
Hate throws the keys into a mess
Pressure grows inside my head
Apathy works on a all day shift
loveme and hateme fight over my breaths
Wishes always blueprint my grave
Pain digs my hole night and day
Dreams give breath to all my hope
Emotions welcome all my guest.

Too much emotion in a poem.... is it just me or is that a highly contradictory sentence?

I like the way it reads kind of like a list, it emphasises that feeling of a building up of so many negative emotions.

I'm pretty sure you mean 'pores' not 'pours'.

Very nicely done though. And by the way, I don't usually write very dark/depressed type poems but I get really sick of people complaining poems are too emo too. It's not like poems about bunnies and flowers are very often critically acclaimed. When I was taking poetry classes, out of all the poems I wrote there was one that some people would describe as 'emo' and my teacher gave it the best comments out of any poem from any poet the whole semester.

Go emo poetry.

PS. Don't you dare rhyme it, or give it a story. It will ruin it.

urmm..... could you write a happier one?
very passionate though.

I hide secrets deep below my skin,
Hope burys itself, pain deep within,
belife in me drips out my pours,
smiles slither out the doors,
hate repels me, wants me dead,
pressure builds within my head,
apathy works on an all day shift,
love me, hate me away i drift,
wishing away my shallow call,
pain digs my grave throughout night fall,
dreams give breath to all my hope,
emotions welcome my pain revoke.

Hope you dont mind me doing that.

EEEMMMOOO

great effort...carry on...give your every thought a birth in the form of words or verse

It Is good as I am also a poem writer as well I have been wrighting them for over 10 years now keep It going just have fun with It

awesome use of verbs and personification! it really creates extremely strong images...way to go!

thats a really heavy bit of poetry, i can see where your going with this but personally feel theres just too much emotion here.
The overall use of words is good , keep it up :)

ugh why do some people call this emo?
This is the kind of poetry I write, It's the easiest to write, for me at least.
and it's a very good poem, try rhyming more and making it seem like it has a plot, like a story, if you want an example check out this one (one of mine)
http://darkpoetofrivendell.deviantart.co...

it's a really good poem.

i am L and justice will prevail.

I find this inconsistent and unconvincing.
Way OTT self-pity (even if contrived) never engages the reader for long.

only got halfway then fell asleep

Hello Amber you seem to be in allot of pain. I like the poem, but I feel you need someone to talk to. My email address is p.belfery@btinternet.com. Don't worry I do not know your age but maybe you are in your teenage years and need a bit of reassurance and no I am NOT a pervert!